if I wasn’t at a concert at the LA Phil…

if I wasn’t at a concert at the LA Phil…

I would be pissed that people were uncouth (wow, just wow, it’s not like me to use that word in it’s ACTUAL meaning) and that they weren’t interested in what I am.

yet, when I AM at such a place… a COMPLEX LITANY of STRONG emotions emerges.

everything from
resentment that other people are not as serious as me,
that other people are enjoying the work in a different way than I (call me a narcissist, CALL ME one!)
people bother to get “SUPER” dressed up, with “OTHER PEOPLE” who are super dressed up, and they do it as a SOCIAL OCCASION.

FUCK that!!! UMPH!

to irritation at the kinda formal generic lingo that the artists and presenters (ughhhh) use

to jealousy professional and otherwise, to

to wishing it was me instead of them,

to imagined resentment that the artists, were I to meet them, WOULDN’t be AS CRAZY as I, in MY way, (maybe they would, I’d love that… I could marry that…, or at least have sex with it…)

…yeah, it’s mostly at the audience, and the PRESENTATION.

HATE that formal SHIT.

but DO be serious, DO be serious. that’s not the same as formal, mind you.

in other words, I’m your normal sensitive crazy artist.

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