I really need to stop feeling the need to make other people’s issues mine, I mean, childhood is over, that shit is gone, no need to keep doing it.
Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys. remember this.
and also:
My Circus…. MY MONKEYS! (referring to musical performers of the unusually awesome variety of course)
Monthly Archives: December 2014
Freddie Freeloader make happy!
WOO!, WOW… go from feeling over-analyzing,
then
listen to some FREDDIE FREELOADER (both the original and the the jon hendricks INSANE vocal version (seriously, they took all the solos by Miles, Coltrane, Canonball and the rest and made up words to em, insane)
and POOF!
feel great, happy. if only I was a (censored!) jazz singer. no, no no. z
…
AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A CENSORED JAZZ SINGER?
say, that’s a good name for a band, or a song… no, definitely a band. I call dibs.
especially a punk band…
(thinking) you need help but not accepting it
in some ways, when it comes to certain things (saying “which ones” might elucidate this greatly, but I’ll get to that)
I sometimes feel like I am surrounded by
A. a buncha people whom I do not trust and whom claim to have (and seem to have) All the Answers (i.e, these people can take care of themselves and don’t seem to have any obvious maladaptions, so so speak (nice word, “maladaptions.” I just made it up:)
and
B. a buncha other people whom I DO trust, but are as lost as me.
all of my CRAZY artist friends (crazy like me) the ones who are REALLY close to me….
they have all the same challenges, more or less.
and those who are different, who really seem to have their lives in order….
when I ask these people for advice, including my life coach…
I inevitably come away hurt and self-judging, as if I won’t accept their advice, because it’s “not me” even though what “IS” me either doesn’t work, or I haven’t tired hard enough, usually the latter. which-
does give hope.
perhaps
perhaps I just need to learn to not take things too seriously when I disagree, and just let some things go,
EVEN WHEN
my defenses are down, and
I am frustrated and seeking help, and
grumble grumble.
MY KIND of ADHD RESOURCE CENTER
MY KIND of ADHD RESOURCE CENTER would be one that empowers people to seek high stimulation, and to achieve it, THEIR VERSION of it, whatever that may be.
not just “getting by”, not just “learning to deprive yourself of your life-force, learning to act normal and pretend you are not a magical high-energy being.
the topic: Feeling Fundamentally Flawed
the topic “feeling fundamentally flawed and somehow Unlovable”
is of interest to me, in the ways that it manifests in me, and in others.
of course no one is really either of those things, but some people unfortunately live as if they are.
gotta… not do that:)
ha ha ha, CalArts asking me for money
an email from CALARTS ASKING ME FOR MONEY!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
things to say:
1. I went to CalArts.
2. it is the coolest place on earth; I love it, with an L.
3. I love music and art and dance stuffs, and they are awesome.
4. I don’t make much money (though I know that music and art and dance are “there very own wonder and that is good enough.
QUALITY, not so-called *CONVENIENCE*
I don’t want things EASIER< I want them RIGHT, I mean, when corporations sell stuff as “now even easier.” (“yeah, and more expensive and less necessary and less good, assholes.”)
I put the T in ENTP (topic beginning…)
I put the T in ENTP
as do my “respond first by over-thinking” friends
and Mom, she put’s the T in INTP.
now bring me some super feeling lovey-dovey hippie chics, we got’s too much thinking, not enough “other stuff” goin on up in here.
this topic needs more, it shall get it, hang on.
Books for Christmas
coolest presents I got, as usual lately
are BOOKS.
I SAW THE WORLD END by Deryck Cooke
WAGNER’S RING AND IT’S SYMBOLS by Robert Donnington (BOTH about Wagner)
FIGHT CLUB the novel, and
DESERT TO DREAM, a big coffee table book of burningman photos, including many nudes of both varieties, both painted and not, mud covered and not, and lots of “ART” too. wonderful.
Mom and Dad, LITERATURE PEOPLE as they are, are proud. Smile.
I put the T in ENTP/INTP
thankful for music, at Christmas
glad I got music.
life’d be pretty materialistic and sad
without it.
music and brains and friends of like mind.
thanks friends. and music. and my brains.