the THOUHT of the day is:
it better be worth your effort in awesomeness.
if it’s not… even if it IS, to someone else…
don’t do it.
life’s too short.
when something is for fun…
it needs to ACTUALLY
BE
FUN.
FOR YOU.
Category Archives: Frustrations about women ‘n’ stuff
ehh, let’s be more positive, yes.
being so afraid of feeling guilt and shame
being so afraid of feeling guilt and shame (a very bad habit indeed) that you DON’T take even the smallest risks, and effectively self-sabotage, even in passive aggressive ways (me?!) by simply taking something I am very good at, that being procrastinating, and doing it so long, that you “self-“ sabotage the opportunity.
cannot TELL you how many times I have done this,
how many years I have known about it, and how some kind teachers who cared, almost 20 years ago, tried to shake me out of it.
it seems I still have much to learn.
THIS is an answer, yes.
TAKE more risks, and for YOUR OWN sake,
overthink them LESS. just MOVE.
window on anxiety, episode 1, 5 17 16
fearing being liked by normal people and/or being mistook for being normal (yeah right)
because you might have to tell them you don’t want to hang with them, because they aren’t as interesting as you want, even if you HAVE no interesting people to hang with (a situation which is NEVER the case, thanks to my hundreds of cool friends (or at least a few who are TRULY that)
because then you’d have to tell them that you’d rather hang with no one, than them,
or lie, all of which are less comfortable than telling the truth, or at least avoiding hurting people’s feelings, but not by lying.
DAMMIT… breath in….
the four challenges, in short
not feeling worthy of something is one thing,
not knowing how to go about it, (due in part to years spent not feeling worthy of it)
is quite another.
whereas not WANTING something, unless it’s done YOUR WAY, versus “everyone else’s”, is QUITE another yet, and of course-
simply not getting around to it, or anything,
is indeed another.
These are THE FOUR CHALLENGES. 3, 2, 1, and 0, in that order.
dynamics between people, should/shouldn’t
we wonder, what the dynamic between two people “should” or “could” be… regarding me being
1. a total loner
2. an introvert (or, maybe not, see below)
3. a Highly Sensitive Person
4. oh, depressed on occasions, more so in the past than now…
5. intelligent, so they tell me
6. kinda crazy
7. oh, adhd meaning my interests are super super specific and are in “intense things”, preferably over and over till I’m too tired to move or talk.
8. oh, yes, an ENTP,
etc, but let’s not get 
ahead of ourselves, MYself, that is, here, now… let’s not.
we’re, I’M,
just,
so comfortable being alone…
do we (do I) really want to mess all this up, with the chaos that is another person…
who knows…
not being responsible for other’s anger
not being responsible for other peoples’s, perchance, “anger”, is pretty cool. Especially since you never WERE responsible for it at all.
one reason why “I do not do certain things”-
…there are so very many things I do not do.
but perhaps it is not because I feel unworthy, or lacking in know-how, but because I simply do not want them.
part of a series on what I currently call
“The Four Challenges” (this dealing with Challenge #1 (which is third in order, more on that later.)
Appearances Contra Truth
Thought of the Day
Appearances aren’t important, nor are what others “might” or might not think.
Truth is.
no airs of no normalcy round ‘ea
it’s interesting, being an individual who
1. didn’t really understand a lot of normalcy as a child.
2. still doesn’t.
3. wouldn’t and doesn’t choose said normalcy when given the choice.
4. didn’t and doesn’t feel the system was designed with him in mind.
5. doesn’t feel obligated in any way to present, TO ANYONE, ANY kind of AIR or APPEARANCE OF NORMALCY.
you need to be loved by YOURSELF
you don’t need to be loved by others,
nor by god.
but by YOURSELF.
“Goodness and Truth lie only in the Depths.”
-Wagner (the Rhinemaidens, actually.)
and yes, them other two things CAN HURT if you substitute em TOO much for that third (which is really the FIRST) thing.
people keep saying that people today are really selfish.
they are misusing the word selfish, grossly.
people today are focused on the approval of and attention from OTHERS.
that’s not selfish.
I mean, depending if you subscribe to “this” or “that” definition of the word, ok.
people should seek love and approval from THEMSELVES.
no amount of it from everyone else, the public, or god, yes,
will ever hold a candle to oneself.
you may think otherwise. go ahead.
I suppose an imaginary god is ok.
I suppose people are ok, but I tell you once again
“Goodness and Truth lie only in the Depths.”
-Wagner (the Rhinemaidens, actually.)