Call me full of myself

Call me full of myself
(I’m not, and Bollox to ya’s,) but
being smart is bloody lonely sometimes.
You have your own norms that work fine for you
and yet some people tell you that you should use the normal norms instead,
that yours are not valid. (they seldom say this directly, but that other way)
you don’t want to be left out,
bloody hell, all you want is
a little companionship,
and maybe a lotta sex,
all you want is to feel ok even though
there’s many of them and few of you.
not too much to ask.
screw light, let there be love.
let’s start with the self kind.
it is most important after all.

hey, Dear Irondequoit High School:

hey, Dear Irondequoit High School:
thanks for the good education, seriously:)
(this is not a joke, I did learn nifty stuff there…. such as that stuff about Tragic Heroes, and how they don’t DIE in tragedies, but suffer, and become better people, etc, in 9th grade no less…)
not to mention all the music in Wind Ensemble and Orchestra and even some Jazz Band too….and everything else:)

thanks thanks

Thoughts on Scott Walker and Michael Corleone…

Thoughts on Scott Walker and Michael Corleone…
I just last night read such a review about…well… that Vito was all about his family, but Michael just does everything for power… and yes, loses his family, not unlike CREON in ANTIGONE (which we read in like 9th grade in high school I think (apparently I really had a good education… (just felt normal at the time.))
not unlike Anakin Skywalker as well… sorta… and any tragic hero
Wotan from The RIng as well…
I’ve never understood that… being into power for it’s own sake… and not in the service of “things that ACTUALLY matter.”
hey, Dear Irondequoit High School:
thanks for the good education, seriously:)

authenticness is liked by me, gotta do it

it seems I’ve gotta make my own little world, full of as many
authentic, bright and creative, non-sellout, interesting people as possible,
and some others too.
Haven’t I already been doing this forever?
gotta keep going and self-doubt less, it seems.
(see? very helpful, therapy is.)
trust self

so many ideas and goals, have I

I’ve SO. MANY.
goals and Ideas I want to do, but doing day-to-day things get in the way of them so often, as does procrastinating said day-to-day thing. (I don’t even have that many day-to-day things, Imagine being married, a parent…)
I lose track of them.
writing them down doesn’t help “much”, I misplace the things they are written on, particular if they are written in a computer.
I don’t know often HOW to work towards such things, (often the way that seems logical to ME, is lambasted by others (but what do they know, indeed (but too often, I give them my thoughts, and end up self-underminging my own instincts, getting all stressed…)
then I calm down, reconnect (ahhh, one of those elusive words that yoga people and hippies use) with myself, and my own instincts, and then repeat, but there so many of them.
I do need better habits.
I’ve had good habits for two days.
there are just so many of these nifty goals and ideas…. they are chaos, they overwhelm. I shall not be told that I must go against my own instincts in the HOW TO advice from others who do not understand what being me is all about.
if any of you friends are or are to be my “partners” in such ventures, I ask you to get together with me often, so we can do these things.

crawling before walking “is” true, but

it seems as I become older, that I somehow DO see more and more that “doing the basics” and not moving beyond where you can handle, when it comes to learning music, (and everything, (such as me learning how to “have relationships (which frankly, we’ve not even beGUN, I’m still in the “I like myself, I deserve to be happy” phase…)

is wise….

you really DO need to crawl before you can walk.

unless you are super gifted and insane, like Anakin…

so in THAT case, one size does NOT fit ALL, just many.

don’t ignore the exceptions.
(that, ignoring the exceptions, has LONG been my Major concern, it is merely occurring to me, an obviousness, that most people are not in fact exceptions.)
but some of us (like me) are. at least sometimes.