it has just now occurred to me (perhaps not for the first time)
that I am indeed VERY afraid, petrified even,
(there ARE exceptions, very notable ones)
and that where others would be ambitious, particularly after showing great talent, ability, and success even,
I merely freeze, and wait for others to go away, so that I can feel safe again,
rather than actually be ambitious and move FARTHER forward.
1. sometimes it looks as though that which is farther forward is not as interesting as that which I have already done.
2. sometimes it would be good if I did so anyway, or at least employed others to do it for me or help me (I can’t be my own manager, I’m AWFUL at it.)
3. I also often, when I look, I don’t SEE what others see; when it occurs to others to “oh, next I would do THIS, or THAT”, this does NOT occur to me, often, OTHER things do (nothing wrong with this.)
hm.