fear of boredom? um…

…it’s possible that I am AFRAID of the feeling of boredom, (whatever that means to me.)
I might be afraid to commit (to anything) due to this, including to things that I want, or wanted, or might want, or want in part, at some time.
you might think this is incredibly infantile, and it might indeed be, if it were you, but it’s an integral part of being adhd, for me, I say.

but then yet again,
it might just be a fear that if you lose interest in something, that THAT isn’t ok, and then you’d feel guilty about THAT, and not guilty that you lost interest, but that you didn’t DESERE to lose interest.

I really should keep going with this
“I am a good person just because, and I deserve to be normal and human” thing, without qualification…

many different (and similar) musics

THAT’s me,

1. driving down to WAGNER, (made that up actually, today it was driving down to a phone conversation)
2. listening to JAMES BROWN
3. reading a book about harmony by SCHOENBERG, and
4. going to AFRICAN DRUM class soon.
likely coming home to
5. JAZZ tonight.

harmonic structure

harmonic structure…

an interesting and I’D say CRYPTIC term indeed…

p.s. don’t ruin my “fun.” I know I could google it or ask someone, but for now, for RIGHT now this MOMENT: I wanna keep thinking that the possible definitions and large and small concepts that a given person has in mind when they use this ‘term’ are myserious, perhaps conflicting…

p.s.
just a sentence or two about the term HARMONIC STRUCTURE, and my wonderment at what “different” persons, perchance schoenberg, would mean by it

energy usage-

as far as my “not liking being part of things that are average or normal or otherwise less-than-interesting”

it’s not true when my senses DO deem them stimulating, interesting, etc.

like that vid there. funfun. notes. endorphins.

ENERGY USAGE.

I WANT THIS.