Category Archives: CalArts (California Institute of the Arts)

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, African Music, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

changing the pre-planned order of a song is awesome

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changing the pre-planned order of a song, in live performance, keeps things lively but also keeps them (the band) rather nervous.”
so said DON ELLIS, (paraphrased here.)
“but also keeps them rather nervous.”
a new piece I am playing does exactly that.
I am feeling that more music should, it’s just too fun.
in one gig of this piece (2nd ever, I think)
there were some sexy dancers dancing along with us, and in THIS tune, I HAD to “not look at them”, lest I miss a cue and louse it up

Tagged AFRICAN because this technique sorta comes from African (West) Drumming.

“!somebody help me! I’M BEING SPONTANEOUS!!!”

-the truman show

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

body clock > caffeine (sp)

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I awoke at 8:20 am today… for some reason, left home real early to work on stuff… HOURS earlier than I usually put my mind to anything important than isn’t being RUN by OTHER PEOPLE (in the morning, and early afternoon, that is.)
suddenly, even though I drank coffee 3 HOURS ago, now, that it’s 3pm, BOOOOM!!!!
I”VE GOT TONS OF ENERGY!!! WHAT THE HELL! (happy, just funny)

Brazilian Music (a song called MAGIA by BANDA BLACK RIO) is responsible as well.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

I guess you shouldn’t put up walls between yourself and others

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I guess you shouldn’t put up walls between yourself and others, even if it was other people in your childhood who put them up, forcibly, and you just accepted them because you thought they were real (indeed, they kinda were,) (the matrix again)
you shouldn’t minimize yourself in such a way, for example:
“so and so (a woman who is sexually attractive) wouldn’t date me because she has dated “this guy” or “that guy” and I’m nothing like those guys.
I bet- after many years of empy loneliness oh god,
that that simply ain’t true. I must have what women want.
yes that.
geez this makes me nervous hahahaaaa

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

the HELL with NORMAL SOCIAL CUES.

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people always taught me that I MISSED, as in DIDN’T NOTICE or UNDERSTAND “NORMAL SOCIAL CUES.”

but why should anyone AGREE with the Cursed things ANYHOW?

they don’t SUIT me. so FUCk em!

MAYBE the damn things just didn’t make SENSE to me, and MAYBE it WASN’T ME that was the issue, maybe it’s the damn social cues, maybe they are are just KINDA STUPID.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, African Music, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Music, Philosophy, Rhythmic Insanity, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized, Wagner

as you reach out and try to collaborate

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as you reach out and try to collaborate, with anyone for any purpose,
know this, particularly if you are more unique than other individuals:
you might not and probably will not get along well with almost EVERYONE. I mean seriously, would you marry ANYONE? I doubt it.
I’ve had some lousy therapists, I have a good one “who happens to work well with me” now. (happens, not because they are good or bad, nor me, (that’s important!) but just because of CHEMISTRY, so to speak…
for gods SAKE people (or, whomever’s)
DO NOT blame YOURSELF on CHEMISTRY!!!!

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, African Music, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Harmony, I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Music, Music Theory, Rhythmic Insanity, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized, Wagner

it’d be very nice to have a platform from which to launch and do my ideas

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it’d be very nice to have a platform from which to launch and do my ideas. namely a manager and agent, but ones who help realize MY stuff, not others’s. unless it’s the same:)
anybody got one? such a thing, I mean, got such a thing?
(I really seriously need help with this folks, I’m wasting, some day it will be too late.)

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, African Music, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Music, Philosophy, Rhythmic Insanity, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

this is the life

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man, god DAMN there’s nothing better than doing awesome things over and over and over!
proverbial EDGING (look it up)
hearing or playing “already extremely repetitive music” over and over for hours.
be as good as fucking coolly or hotly that long. or driving and hearing music…. or any shit… dancin, exercising…. fuck yeah this is life.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, Harmony, I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Philosophy, Rhythmic Insanity, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized, Wagner

so, relationships….

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might seem strange to say this…. but a lot of people seem to have relationships.
my therapist today said that plenty of these people (and relationships) are not in fact happy ones, indeed.
it has occurred to me, the unhappy ones and “just because this is what everyone does and so I guess I should do it too” ones not withstanding-
so I guess these people must ENJOY doing this then, huh…
so I’d better start
NOT using other people as ways to make MYSELF feel better about myself (instead of just loving myself just because, first,) and
um,
doing whatever it is that people do together that they seem to enjoy, WHICH-
being Adhd, and already having a lotta things that are super fun to do, and already doing plenty of them, …
sometimes I have a hard time imagining (aside from Sex of course)
things to do with a partner that would compare with the stuff I already do, ya know, drumming, listening to music, and other stimulating things.
I mean, yeah, people be together, yeah…. just….
sometimes it’s tough for me to imagine feeling good or relaxed, or stimulated, or interested at all, when something involves spending “as much” time with another person as a relationship seems like it’d involve.
I am a loner, after all.
we shall see, I guess.

(I tagged all this music stuff in this because said music stuff is a lotta the stuff I enjoy, and don’t need to be in a relationship to love deeply, for it to make me truly happy…. sharing it with another might be okay, but seriously, it’s already great without em…. I don’t need style crampage…) but yeah, some affection might be nice.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

normal???

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somehow (and I know how) because of my childhood and feelings and such, there are some “fairly normal human behaviors” that I regard as otherwise.
I’ve really gotta…. accept that it’s really okay if I engage in these behaviors. avoiding them… hasn’t really made me happy.
though doing other behaviors has… I can be happier, and happier is better than happy. still, happy at all is better than not happy at all.
‪#‎whatsnormal‬