many years ago, it seems (1999, maybe even 1998)
these songs seem to have been a part of moving on after college (in hindsight, all before calarts:)

leaving old friendships, literally,

and a HORRIBLE sense of loss and hopelessness, as if our best days were alREADy behind us (yes, I was 22 or 23… how funny it seems now.)

as if mistakes made then could NEVER be corrected, improved upon,

as if we’d alREADY made the wrong choices and we would NEVER EVER have second chances, at life, love, anything.

(reading these words…. thinking of them…
I can’t help but think

“my GOD, WHAT kind of depressing as fuck upbringing did I HAVE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!”

I used to hear these songs and, well, short of crying (which DID happen, sometimes,) I’d just LANGUISH in a pile of misery and despair… their jazzy harmonies (Ebm11…. minor 11 chords… not unlike in a Reich piece…).

I thought things would NEVER get better.

it all had something too, to do with a film known as FANDANGO, a coming-of-age film, starring the young kevin costner, about some young men in a very similar situation (albeit, the vietnam war draft wasn’t a factor in our own real-life version.)

(this film was after the fact; we knew and experienced the songs and feelings “quite some time” before becoming aware of a film which seemingly by coincidene, used several of the same songs and feelings)

flash foward to today.

while I could indeed be happier,

I couldn’t really be much happier with the crazy fun stuff I get to do.

SO MANY new things happened after those days, SO much music, SO many people, SO many friends, so many EVERYTHINGS.

and they tell me I’m still young.

(I read about Dementia today…. sounds like it sucks, hopefully I’ll already have lived well enough if I ever get it.)

I’m hearing one of these tunes RIGHT NOW.

“It’s For You” from the Wichita Falls album by Pat Metheny and Lyle Mays.

Bill Maley. I remember all this, old friend:)

I bet you also do.

life is pretty good.  smile emoticon