I don’t use twitter, nor hash-tags, unless I’m faking (I am.)
I like the one I made up, pertaining to CalArts and CalArts-related things being the best and the happiest
Category Archives: Music
Music Thoughts
Never try to be normal.
Being interesting is just so much more- Interesting.
friend one: “What’s normal?”
in the words of Malcolm MacDowell in Star Trek Generation>
“NORMAL is what everyone IS that YOU are NOT.”
friend two: “What if interesting becomes normal? What if it gets TOO normal?”
to others, or to me? if it’s to me, I find a new interesting. others’s opinions on what “I” find interesting are of no importance.
so, anything fun to do on ACTUAL halloween??
so, anything fun to do on ACTUAL halloween??
and don’t say the West-Hollywood party, it SUCKS ASS compared to the CalArts one. I mean, it’s full of boring L.A. people, spectators. not an interactive, whimsical, communal group of crazy artist friends.
#CalArtsLove, ah yes.
CalArts Halloween. NOT gonna throwup. always feels good.
CalArts Halloween. NOT gonna throwup. always feels good.
title.
#CalArtsLove
what is reasonable to others seldom is to me
see previous post.
psst: I’m a leader! (shhh)
Today I asked someone trusted, the question of the week:
“Why is it that so very often, what normal/other/average/many people consider to be a reasonable way of doing things… is so VERY “out of phase” with how I would do them?
this has troubled me for DECADES.
Their answer?
“Because you are a Leader.”
speechless.
very nice indeed.
this is tagged almost EVERYTHING, cause it IS almost everything.
I find people uncomfortable, and SELF-COMPASSION
ok so seriously, I know this is probably weird to say, yes, but I honestly wonder why people bother being together, sometimes.
I find most people quite uncomfortable, compared to me myself and I.
there seem to be a lotta people I just sorta don’t like.
or. hm…
and yeah, sex is cool,
but companionship, man, I don’t usually find activities involving other people comparable to the ones I do alone. not sexual ones, but other ones.
unless said activities ARE the ones I also do alone.
so who the fuck knows.
today a friend said something about how some people, face trauma in their childhood (not always the horrible kind,)
and SOME people put it behind them and just focus on being successful or whatever, and yet after a while, they end up very unhappy. (presumably because they didn’t face their demons (or whatever you shall call them) and DEAL with them, they didn’t underSTAND them, themselves.)
whereas OTHERS (like me, like us, artist friends)
may be unhappy earlier, and now, but in truth ARE very happy in our artist ways, and ARE trying to FACE the truths, to UNDERSTAND them, and to BE AUTHENTIC rather than just go through the motions.
and as any music teacher (or athletic trainer, or parent, or anyone worth a damn really) can tell you,
this takes time.
rome was not built in a day,
and
one doesn’t learn music in just a few short weeks or even years.
when you DO get “there” though, wherever THERE is,
you got their KNOWINGLY, with AUTHENTICITY, INTEGRITY and UNDERSTANDING.
to do otherwise would be like knowing how to IMITATE a language but not speak it.
of limited use.
do it the real way.
and this takes longer.
so…
it seems like I’m indeed on the right path after all,
and that comparing myself to others is never good, and
that I deserve far more Self-Compassion.
right, then.
a daily sadness, hopefully occurring less often
I seem to always expect women NOT to like men (thanks mom and dad.)
I create a false sense of peace believing that THIS is why I am alone (it’s not.)
then when I see that woman do like all manner of men (except me it seems)
I get real sad, illusion gone, reality in. whatever that reality is. still alone.
business and pleasure don’t go together
it has occurred to me that sometimes, in groups, say, of musicians, that one of those involved in is a sexual relationship with another involved, possibly the leader. possibly a not very exclusive relationship.
it sometimes seems that the sexual relationship was more important than the working one.
as if the sexual relationship is the reason for the working one.
that sounds like it’s never a good idea.
and I can’t imagine me doing that.
I mean I can’t imagine a woman and I having a thing together (ha) and then BECAUSE of the thing, having her in one of my groups.
sorry sweetheart, but it doesn’t work that way.
and WOW I’m a jerk!
and/or a big loser. yep.
I am indeed VERY afraid, petrified even,
it has just now occurred to me (perhaps not for the first time)
that I am indeed VERY afraid, petrified even,
(there ARE exceptions, very notable ones)
and that where others would be ambitious, particularly after showing great talent, ability, and success even,
I merely freeze, and wait for others to go away, so that I can feel safe again,
rather than actually be ambitious and move FARTHER forward.
1. sometimes it looks as though that which is farther forward is not as interesting as that which I have already done.
2. sometimes it would be good if I did so anyway, or at least employed others to do it for me or help me (I can’t be my own manager, I’m AWFUL at it.)
3. I also often, when I look, I don’t SEE what others see; when it occurs to others to “oh, next I would do THIS, or THAT”, this does NOT occur to me, often, OTHER things do (nothing wrong with this.)
hm.