people are not there for you to use to make yourself feel better, though they can indeed sometimes do that.
at a certain point, you must face yourself, and realize (or learn) that you are a good person who deserves happiness JUST BECAUSE, regardless of how others treat you, of whether they “see” your goodness, your humanity.
that could be pretty hard for a frightened young child, ill-equiped to understand existence, to understand.
Category Archives: Thought of the Day
Harmony, Wagner, and African Drumming, of course
… I think it’s pretty cool that I teach things as disparate as
Music theory, about Harmony, and Wagner, and
African Music and some Dance
do something yourself
yeah…. ‘steada depending on others to provide YOUR opportunities for stimulation (and money,) not to mention livelihood, that is, adhd-high-stimulation,
do it your fuckin self.
why have I so often just opted to find something that’s awesome enough, and just BE part of it, rather than MAKING one myself….
given, I haven’t done this when there IS no “thing” in a given area, I HAVE gone and made my own in said cases.
perhaps I should ALWAYS do this.
self-helping inDEed
“I don’t like feeling that I am replaceable.”
thought of the day (rather serious, this one)
“I don’t like feeling that I am replaceable.”
it seems I am also no stranger to ENTITLEMENT after all, feeling as I do, that once I have become part of something, or obtained something, that I should thereafter ALWAYS have/be part of it.
😉 GOD FORBID I’m ever dating a woman they leave me! hahahahah. not really a joke, though.
very challenging, to accept such things. I HATE being excluded from that which I want to belong to, that which I DO, or DID, belong to… why do I feel this… is it normal? I should think that my apparently extreme sensitivity to it indicates that I do not love myself enough, and that I give over the care of “little michael” (the proverbial inner-child) to inappropriate persons,
and yet… I cannot control what such persons will do… and it is true that they do NOT have my or my interests in mind AT ALL, and that this is life, and that…. curses… I’ll have to find some way to live with it… or I’ll be miserable and dependent always on the love and care of others instead of me….
ok, then…
ok.
this must be accepted, then. it hurts. it will hurt.
I suppose it shall also empower.
ouch.
ok, then…
ok.
here’s an idea.
here’s an idea.
give the care of your proverbial inner-child, little-you, over to none other than yourself, YOU make your life good, don’t just expect to be taken care of by others.
…giving away the care of your proverbial inner-child
…giving away the care of your proverbial inner-child to others, looking for love and approval from them, instead of from YOU…
NEVER works… it’s NEVER EVER enough, like with drugs…this must be what narcissists do… always using everyone for narcissistic supply… you never can get enough, because NOTHING can take the place of self-love, EVER.
killing yourself is an answer.
so is deciding that you like yourself (and actually doing so,) and saying that if others don’t, then it’s their loss.
I’ll go with the second option.
what DO they consist in?
at a distance, things painful are less so.
so HERE’s a question…
in relationships, not just with partners, but other kinds too,
if they DON’T (as they shouldn’t, it seems,) consist in “giving away the care of your proverbial inner-child” to someone else who is not qualified, disinterested, which means that they’ll treat you like shit, and you’ll take how they treat you as proof of whatever negative self-hating beliefs you hold about yourself (thanks, ‘shitty childhood’),
as I say,,, if they DON’T consist in that, in trying to secure the love and approval (empty, of course) of people who’s love you don’t need (instead of your OWN love, that is,)
if they and their dynamics DON’T consist in this, then…
what DO they consist in?
I love “pretending” to play Beethoven
that moment when you
1. thanks to your perfect pitch, have “ascertained” what a large majority of the pitches are in a small fragment of a Beethoven piano sonata…
2. use your wiles and said perfect pitch to “finagle” “enough” of it to
3. actually play it as an example of, say, a fully diminished vii^o of V, in a music theory class, and as a result
4. your students “actually” think you play piano….:):):)
why this tagged Wagner? cause Wagner dug Beethoven and there IS no Beethoven tag
always thinking about tomorrow…
ALWAYS thinking about tomorrow (“all his life, as he looked away to the future”)
always thinking that some day, after right now, (“to the horizon”)
after right now, some OTHER day, things will be ideal, better, great, good
(“NEVER – his mind on -“)
there is no tomorrow, there is only right now
“WHERE HE WAS!… HM?! WHAT he was DOING!… Hm.”)
stop thinking that, stop preparing for that.
prepare for right now.
drumset…
I’m increasingly interested in playing drumset (in my way) on cool music only,
that is,
things Brazilian, African, and a little Jazzy too.