in some ways, when it comes to certain things (saying “which ones” might elucidate this greatly, but I’ll get to that)

I sometimes feel like I am surrounded by
A. a buncha people whom I do not trust and whom claim to have (and seem to have) All the Answers (i.e, these people can take care of themselves and don’t seem to have any obvious maladaptions, so so speak (nice word, “maladaptions.” I just made it up:)

and

B. a buncha other people whom I DO trust, but are as lost as me.

all of my CRAZY artist friends (crazy like me) the ones who are REALLY close to me….
they have all the same challenges, more or less.

and those who are different, who really seem to have their lives in order….

when I ask these people for advice, including my life coach…
I inevitably come away hurt and self-judging, as if I won’t accept their advice, because it’s “not me” even though what “IS” me either doesn’t work, or I haven’t tired hard enough, usually the latter. which-
does give hope.

perhaps

perhaps I just need to learn to not take things too seriously when I disagree, and just let some things go,
EVEN WHEN

my defenses are down, and
I am frustrated and seeking help, and
grumble grumble.