… never really have figured out the balance, if there is to be one,

between

doing things to survive if I personally can’t stand em…

I mean, where to even START from…
there’s so many options, you could

do something you hate, and just tolerate it (yeah, and I could torture myself too.)
you could do things you love and try to get payed (doing that, haven’t starved yet, probably should have.)
or you could, FAR more challenging for a perfectionistic adhder who
a. doesn’t observe
b. nor understand
c. nor agree with

other people’s ways of doing things, (and other people’s thoughts,) in general.

you could, far more difficult, try to come up with some kinda mixture… but where to start…. and when to judge and evaluate and reevaluate, harder to answer, Yoda-San, yes…