man, if this love, or marriage, or whatever, thing,
happens to me, if it’s anything like that in the photos of my friends,
it’s gonna be awesome.

just imagine… people happy, people smiling…
people feeling good enough, people accepting, even loving.
nice ideas.

fuck, I cried a tear typing that.(what can I say, friends, this much isolation, for this long, self-imposed or otherwise, is just painful sometimes.) (no, always.)

life could be magical.
perhaps some time it will.
HAPPY people, a HAPPY person.
happy ME and happy her too.
just imagine.
pretty different than the loveless existence I call life, these days, and all days.

BUT LETS START WITH US, yes.
I love me.
I must say this, I must learn this.
I live my life, not someone else’s.

p.s. I got music, I got friends, I got family, I got a lot. just, ya know. it’s different.
I didn’t mean that life is always painful, but it IS so whenever I’m in the proverbial vicinity of, uh, relations and connections of a potentially sexual nature with women.

gotta reach out.
even though I’m weird, and people will reject me plenty.
gotta reach out.
I hate that.
gotta reach out.