in keeping with this theme I heard of tonight of “what the fuck am I, a musician, doing with my life?” which I heard from at least three friends tonight, I shall say:
what should I be doing, and how should I be doing it, and woe is me but how do I always have not a clue what to do, when everyone else?
and fuck’s sake, don’t tell me that no one else does, it’s bullshit!
everyone else doing this is “DOING” SOMETHING.
I’M NOT. I’m just SITTING here.
other people are PLAYING MUSIC, WRITING MUSIC, RECORDING MUSIC (ok, yes, I do a little of that, yes, a little playing, yes.)
but other people have DOZENS more gigs than I, many more students, more connections, more ACTUAL ACTIONS,
more of a sense of “WHAT” the options even “ARE.”
I NEVER get this, ever!
in anything.
fucks sake, where “IS” my attention…
p.s. you likely won’t be able to advise me.
if you say your advice the wrong way (not easy to explain what “the wrong way” is,) It’ll just glance of me, I’ll not hear it, I’ll fight it, or decide you’re a dick.
so confusing, life, yes.