all the times I ever asked for help (most anyway)…
I wasn’t actually asking for help, nor for how-to advice…
I was simply asking for permission to not feel guilt and shame…
guilt and shame that I was alive at all, that is… I’d never have needed that, nor have felt this kind of intense guilt and shame, had I had a real nice happy childhood, like some people…
but no one could ever give me permission to not feel guilt and shame…
except my nice therapist…
and yet she didn’t give it to me,
she helped me give it
to myself.
and yes…
somehow now I’m feeling more free to do things,
to trust myself, and to not just defer to other people,
when I never agreed with their approaches or advice anyway, and it almso alwyas just resulted in more guilt and shame.
no more:)