Category Archives: I’m a Crazy Artist

hmmm…

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Philosophy, Politics, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

greater individualism in business, not conformity

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so it would seem that maybe a lot or most average business people are
NOT VERY IMAGINATIVE…
either that and/or they are sellouts, catering to average people and the lowest common denominator.
how else do you explain the fact that most of their ideas are status quo, not that interesting, when

SO

many more fabulously creative and interesting and

repeat after me-
IN-DI-VID-U-AL
things are possible?

like a bloody food or coffee establishment with a QUIRKY unusual menu, one that’s NOT designed to BE what all the other ones are but better,

but to be

DIFFERENT, different as in
IT-BLOODY SELF!!!!

like SELL INDIAN food, or self-help books, or art books, or architecture magazines, or some other QUIRKY shits that don’t usually or EVER go together! and play classical music on certain days, and miles davis only on thursdays at 1am or somethin.

don’t be what everyone else ALREADY IS, dammit.

Like CalArts, my school. (though I graduated ages ago, I don’t use the term alma mater, no no no.) I wouldn’t want to see IT turned into what most other schools ALREADY ARE, only a lousier version of them, while ALSO becoming a LESS “IT” version of ITSELF….

(this is called, by me, THE GERSHWIN-SCHOENBERG ARGUMENT.”

America Composer George Gershwin, (this may be made up, but who care)
may have approached 12-tone inventor Arnold Schoenberg, for “composition lessons” at one point.
apparently, Schoenberg (this, again, may be just legend, but it’s point is excellent maximus)
ahem, Schoenberg allegedly said that he would NOT give Gerswhin lessons, for “If I gave you lessons, you’d just become a bad Schoenberg…. you’re already such a great Gerswhin!”

that goes for PEOPLE TOO! especially my artist friends.

and seriously, anybody wanna partner up (that is, pay for) investing in such a thing, I’m seriously down. up hit me.

( I tagged this, among the usual things,
to do with “WOMEN” and “POLITICS” because well I think it could apply to politicians and to “people in the dating scene.” as well. stop trying to be what everyone ELSE Is, dammit, just BE. YOU. dammit.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

Not Liking Yourself… seems to

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not liking yourself………. seems to result in a wide variety of seemingly unrelated and BIZARRE things….
such as but not limited to
1. seeking love from people who have none to give you
2. spending time around the wrong kind of people
3. trying to change people, (into ones who make you feel loved.)
4. ignoring it when people DO like you.
5. in various ways, using other people somehow approving of you INSTEAD of, IN PLACE of, your own self approving of you.
6. when people DO like you, abandoning THEM, and moving on, because no amount of “others’s liking you” can ever really compensate for you doing so yourself.
7. even trying to make “certain” other people behave in certain ways, as if if they do not, it is confirmation that you are not likable, but if they DO, you abandon them, and move on to the “next” “conquest”, always empty victories they, as, as above-stated, they can NEVER equal your missing self-love.
perhaps this is why my nice therapist is and has always been saying to take care of my proverbial inner child, and to tell myself that I like myself, that I love myself, etc.
nothing else will work nearly as good. it’s all like junk food instead of healthy food, pornography instead of romance, etc.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Philosophy, Politics, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

all kinds, judging, energy, not judging

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some people are monkeys, others are elephants, still others are ants, and others may be trees, or grass.

when it comes to how much energy I have or do not have, remember, judging yourself by the standards of the norms, or by the standards of those who are very different than you (in my case, less energetic)
makes about as much sense as judging en elephant on it’s ability to climb trees, or an ant on it’s ability to grow, like grass, etc.

perhaps this is what them people who are like “celebrate all, differences” are on about, as well as what those who say that a one-size-fits-all approach to education is bogus, which is pretty much true, about education, and everything.
booyah

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

learning, like a kid again, hopefully always

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I am moving towards not believing these old negative things about myself.
as such, I’m more open to things, however, I am still very interested in what “normal people’s norms are” and where they come from and why…. though, I shall have my own norms… but due to those negative things (the belief that I do not deserve love, and am an invalid lesser human (not true, never was, alas,) I never LEARNED my own norms, I just avoided so many things. so, here I am…. new to a lotta experiences, as if I’m a kid. it’s nice.
(my not having my own norms, as if I have simply never tried doing so very many things, is ALSO of course due to being ADHD, and having my own tastes and personality just because, too.)

Lucky am I to have a nice therapist (and not for the first time.)

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

Call me full of myself

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Call me full of myself
(I’m not, and Bollox to ya’s,) but
being smart is bloody lonely sometimes.
You have your own norms that work fine for you
and yet some people tell you that you should use the normal norms instead,
that yours are not valid. (they seldom say this directly, but that other way)
you don’t want to be left out,
bloody hell, all you want is
a little companionship,
and maybe a lotta sex,
all you want is to feel ok even though
there’s many of them and few of you.
not too much to ask.
screw light, let there be love.
let’s start with the self kind.
it is most important after all.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

authenticness is liked by me, gotta do it

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it seems I’ve gotta make my own little world, full of as many
authentic, bright and creative, non-sellout, interesting people as possible,
and some others too.
Haven’t I already been doing this forever?
gotta keep going and self-doubt less, it seems.
ONWARD
(see? very helpful, therapy is.)
trust self

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, African Music, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, Harmony, I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Music, Music Theory, Philosophy, Rhythmic Insanity, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized, Wagner

so many ideas and goals, have I

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I’ve SO. MANY.
goals and Ideas I want to do, but doing day-to-day things get in the way of them so often, as does procrastinating said day-to-day thing. (I don’t even have that many day-to-day things, Imagine being married, a parent…)
I lose track of them.
writing them down doesn’t help “much”, I misplace the things they are written on, particular if they are written in a computer.
I don’t know often HOW to work towards such things, (often the way that seems logical to ME, is lambasted by others (but what do they know, indeed (but too often, I give them my thoughts, and end up self-underminging my own instincts, getting all stressed…)
then I calm down, reconnect (ahhh, one of those elusive words that yoga people and hippies use) with myself, and my own instincts, and then repeat, but there so many of them.
I do need better habits.
I’ve had good habits for two days.
there are just so many of these nifty goals and ideas…. they are chaos, they overwhelm. I shall not be told that I must go against my own instincts in the HOW TO advice from others who do not understand what being me is all about.
if any of you friends are or are to be my “partners” in such ventures, I ask you to get together with me often, so we can do these things.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, African Music, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, Harmony, I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Music, Music Theory, Rhythmic Insanity, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

crawling before walking “is” true, but

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it seems as I become older, that I somehow DO see more and more that “doing the basics” and not moving beyond where you can handle, when it comes to learning music, (and everything, (such as me learning how to “have relationships (which frankly, we’ve not even beGUN, I’m still in the “I like myself, I deserve to be happy” phase…)

is wise….

you really DO need to crawl before you can walk.

unless you are super gifted and insane, like Anakin…

so in THAT case, one size does NOT fit ALL, just many.

don’t ignore the exceptions.
(that, ignoring the exceptions, has LONG been my Major concern, it is merely occurring to me, an obviousness, that most people are not in fact exceptions.)
but some of us (like me) are. at least sometimes.