Category Archives: Music

Music Thoughts

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Philosophy, Politics, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

punishing kids like this is wrong

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here is a petition to get rid of an apparent policy where they make kids SIT AND STARE AT A WALL for NINETY MINUTES as punishment, in, of all places, MY SCHOOL DISTRICT in rochester NY where I am from (I’ll not say “grew up”… cause… well, that would imply that I did so.)

https://www.change.org/p/west-irondequoit-board-of-education-overturn-jeff-crane-s-abusive-sit-and-stare-policy?recruiter=10947751&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=autopublish&utm_term=des-lg-share_petition-reason_msg&fb_ref=Default

Hey. I’m from here. I went to numerous schools here. As a creative artist, I’m ADHD and proud of it. I learned a lot about music in Irondequoit schools from grade 4 all the way through high school graduation (after which I continued to study music (and to perform and teach it) to this day.
School was hard enough, what with other kids berating me for talking fast and being different.
I persisted, even got a lot of A
s in high school. (and I WASN’T on adhd-meds at that time.)
If I had been treated like this, FOR BEING DIFFERENT, for being higher energy (which, to put it politely, is no crime,) if I had been “Labeled” MORE THAN I ALREADY WAS….
to this day I suffer from believing that I am unlovable and invalid, and “how I was treated by mom and dad AND kids (and teachers) at school has
EVERYTHING to do with that…
if I had been made to sit and stare for NINETY MINUTES… BECAUSE OF HOW MY BRAIN WORKS, the SPEED of it.., my DIFFERENCES in LEARNING and THINKING than “AVERAGE PEOPLE” (that, normal people,)
Imagine how much MORE guilty and shameful I’d feel, JUST BECAUSE I AM MYSELF and not someone else!
I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY whether I think and learn and act the same as everyone else or not.
there are plenty of ways of “helping” children of ALL varieties GET THROUGH school.
treating them like they are broken and bad and criminals isn’t one of them.
stop this now.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

suffering, compassion, and not judging

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judging… sometimes I find it easy to think that people who have suffered less than me, don’t REALLY understand suffering at all…
yet…. what would people who have suffered far MORE than I think, of ME, if they thought this way?
I shouldn’t judge.
but it’s hard not to, sometimes.
surely that (?) means that I am not fully at peace with MY OWN suffering yet.
good thing there’s more of life left, and more therapy left.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Harmony, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Philosophy, Rhythmic Insanity, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

Norms, Interesting, Abnorms, etc.

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if music with cooler rhythms and harmonies was NORMAL, I’d be normal in a heartbeat.

but it’s not about being normal, it’s about what’s INTERESTING… to ME…

so, are you telling me,

A. many people ARE interested in “norms”
B. many people are in fact NOT, nor are they even IN TOUCH with what THEY ACTUALLY ARE interested in, and they just “conform because for some reason they are afraid of, even noticing that they don’t know what they would like,” much less admitting it, much less looking for or discovering it?

(it seems so.)

or, maybe many people just have simpler tastes than I and ARE satisfied by what is typical. maybe a lot of both.

I wanna do what’s interesting to ME.

don’t see what’s wrong with that.

either many people are just boring (to me,) or many people WOULD BE interesting, but haven’t faced up to it and become their would-be selves yet. likely a lot of both.

CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Rhythmic Insanity, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

Gamelan, what have you done to me

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every time I arrange a little marching band drumline type music (which happens, but I wish it did more often)
I always seem to, as some of the keyboard players are less experienced than others,
I always seem to have some of the melodic parts be “simplified” versions of more notey ones, with like half of their notes removed….

Gamelan,

what have you done to me…

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Philosophy, Politics, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

greater individualism in business, not conformity

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so it would seem that maybe a lot or most average business people are
NOT VERY IMAGINATIVE…
either that and/or they are sellouts, catering to average people and the lowest common denominator.
how else do you explain the fact that most of their ideas are status quo, not that interesting, when

SO

many more fabulously creative and interesting and

repeat after me-
IN-DI-VID-U-AL
things are possible?

like a bloody food or coffee establishment with a QUIRKY unusual menu, one that’s NOT designed to BE what all the other ones are but better,

but to be

DIFFERENT, different as in
IT-BLOODY SELF!!!!

like SELL INDIAN food, or self-help books, or art books, or architecture magazines, or some other QUIRKY shits that don’t usually or EVER go together! and play classical music on certain days, and miles davis only on thursdays at 1am or somethin.

don’t be what everyone else ALREADY IS, dammit.

Like CalArts, my school. (though I graduated ages ago, I don’t use the term alma mater, no no no.) I wouldn’t want to see IT turned into what most other schools ALREADY ARE, only a lousier version of them, while ALSO becoming a LESS “IT” version of ITSELF….

(this is called, by me, THE GERSHWIN-SCHOENBERG ARGUMENT.”

America Composer George Gershwin, (this may be made up, but who care)
may have approached 12-tone inventor Arnold Schoenberg, for “composition lessons” at one point.
apparently, Schoenberg (this, again, may be just legend, but it’s point is excellent maximus)
ahem, Schoenberg allegedly said that he would NOT give Gerswhin lessons, for “If I gave you lessons, you’d just become a bad Schoenberg…. you’re already such a great Gerswhin!”

that goes for PEOPLE TOO! especially my artist friends.

and seriously, anybody wanna partner up (that is, pay for) investing in such a thing, I’m seriously down. up hit me.

( I tagged this, among the usual things,
to do with “WOMEN” and “POLITICS” because well I think it could apply to politicians and to “people in the dating scene.” as well. stop trying to be what everyone ELSE Is, dammit, just BE. YOU. dammit.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

Not Liking Yourself… seems to

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not liking yourself………. seems to result in a wide variety of seemingly unrelated and BIZARRE things….
such as but not limited to
1. seeking love from people who have none to give you
2. spending time around the wrong kind of people
3. trying to change people, (into ones who make you feel loved.)
4. ignoring it when people DO like you.
5. in various ways, using other people somehow approving of you INSTEAD of, IN PLACE of, your own self approving of you.
6. when people DO like you, abandoning THEM, and moving on, because no amount of “others’s liking you” can ever really compensate for you doing so yourself.
7. even trying to make “certain” other people behave in certain ways, as if if they do not, it is confirmation that you are not likable, but if they DO, you abandon them, and move on to the “next” “conquest”, always empty victories they, as, as above-stated, they can NEVER equal your missing self-love.
perhaps this is why my nice therapist is and has always been saying to take care of my proverbial inner child, and to tell myself that I like myself, that I love myself, etc.
nothing else will work nearly as good. it’s all like junk food instead of healthy food, pornography instead of romance, etc.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Philosophy, Politics, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

all kinds, judging, energy, not judging

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some people are monkeys, others are elephants, still others are ants, and others may be trees, or grass.

when it comes to how much energy I have or do not have, remember, judging yourself by the standards of the norms, or by the standards of those who are very different than you (in my case, less energetic)
makes about as much sense as judging en elephant on it’s ability to climb trees, or an ant on it’s ability to grow, like grass, etc.

perhaps this is what them people who are like “celebrate all, differences” are on about, as well as what those who say that a one-size-fits-all approach to education is bogus, which is pretty much true, about education, and everything.
booyah

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

learning, like a kid again, hopefully always

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I am moving towards not believing these old negative things about myself.
as such, I’m more open to things, however, I am still very interested in what “normal people’s norms are” and where they come from and why…. though, I shall have my own norms… but due to those negative things (the belief that I do not deserve love, and am an invalid lesser human (not true, never was, alas,) I never LEARNED my own norms, I just avoided so many things. so, here I am…. new to a lotta experiences, as if I’m a kid. it’s nice.
(my not having my own norms, as if I have simply never tried doing so very many things, is ALSO of course due to being ADHD, and having my own tastes and personality just because, too.)

Lucky am I to have a nice therapist (and not for the first time.)