ADHD is awesome, mostly.
facebook doesn’t really mean much, you know.
in almost all cases of people “unfriending” me over my incessantness,
(there ARE some exceptions (usually over being religious and conservative, and who needs em’)
but in almost all cases,
even IF someone unfriends me, in REAL LIFE, nothing changes, they just don’t want my ranting in their visual range all the time.
when I see them, it’s as if nothing happened.
and that’s because
in “reality”
nothing did.
Think it’s Trippy that I love
Der Ring Des Nibelungen (Wagner) and
Steve Reich.
those guys wouldn’t have liked each other.
most people I know who are interesting worth a damn, such as myself, also qualify, probably, as cases, or people with issues, etc.
such as me.
it has always been confusing, that if there is a person who is level headed, frankly, they are usually “ALSO” not interesting, to me,
recognizing as I do, that
being interesting and
being a case
are in fact TWO things, though they ALMOST ALWAYS both happen together.
not sure where I was going with that…
Others’s opinions on what “I” find interesting are of no importance.
my. dear me. hard to explain.
hearing some music, a few “very sad” old Pat Metheny tunes
(“September Fifteenth” and “It’s For You” both from the Wichita Falls album which are “almost” AS sad as the song “San Lorenzo” from their first, Self-Titled album.)
many years ago, it seems (1999, maybe even 1998)
these songs seem to have been a part of moving on after college (in hindsight, all before calarts:)
leaving old friendships, literally,
and a HORRIBLE sense of loss and hopelessness, as if our best days were alREADy behind us (yes, I was 22 or 23… how funny it seems now.)
as if mistakes made then could NEVER be corrected, improved upon,
as if we’d alREADY made the wrong choices and we would NEVER EVER have second chances, at life, love, anything.
(reading these words…. thinking of them…
I can’t help but think
“my GOD, WHAT kind of depressing as fuck upbringing did I HAVE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!”
I used to hear these songs and, well, short of crying (which DID happen, sometimes,) I’d just LANGUISH in a pile of misery and despair… their jazzy harmonies (Ebm11…. minor 11 chords… not unlike in a Reich piece…).
I thought things would NEVER get better.
it all had something too, to do with a film known as FANDANGO, a coming-of-age film, starring the young kevin costner, about some young men in a very similar situation (albeit, the vietnam war draft wasn’t a factor in our own real-life version.)
(this film was after the fact; we knew and experienced the songs and feelings “quite some time” before becoming aware of a film which seemingly by coincidene, used several of the same songs and feelings)
flash foward to today.
while I could indeed be happier,
I couldn’t really be much happier with the crazy fun stuff I get to do.
SO MANY new things happened after those days, SO much music, SO many people, SO many friends, so many EVERYTHINGS.
and they tell me I’m still young.
(I read about Dementia today…. sounds like it sucks, hopefully I’ll already have lived well enough if I ever get it.)
I’m hearing one of these tunes RIGHT NOW.
“It’s For You” from the Wichita Falls album by Pat Metheny and Lyle Mays.
Bill Maley. I remember all this, old friend:)
I bet you also do.
life is pretty good. smile emoticon
Being interesting is just so much more- Interesting.
friend one: “What’s normal?”
in the words of Malcolm MacDowell in Star Trek Generation>
“NORMAL is what everyone IS that YOU are NOT.”
friend two: “What if interesting becomes normal? What if it gets TOO normal?”
to others, or to me? if it’s to me, I find a new interesting. others’s opinions on what “I” find interesting are of no importance.
so, anything fun to do on ACTUAL halloween??
and don’t say the West-Hollywood party, it SUCKS ASS compared to the CalArts one. I mean, it’s full of boring L.A. people, spectators. not an interactive, whimsical, communal group of crazy artist friends.
#CalArtsLove, ah yes.
see previous post.
Today I asked someone trusted, the question of the week:
“Why is it that so very often, what normal/other/average/many people consider to be a reasonable way of doing things… is so VERY “out of phase” with how I would do them?
this has troubled me for DECADES.
Their answer?
“Because you are a Leader.”
speechless.
very nice indeed.
this is tagged almost EVERYTHING, cause it IS almost everything.
ok so seriously, I know this is probably weird to say, yes, but I honestly wonder why people bother being together, sometimes.
I find most people quite uncomfortable, compared to me myself and I.
there seem to be a lotta people I just sorta don’t like.
or. hm…
and yeah, sex is cool,
but companionship, man, I don’t usually find activities involving other people comparable to the ones I do alone. not sexual ones, but other ones.
unless said activities ARE the ones I also do alone.
so who the fuck knows.
today a friend said something about how some people, face trauma in their childhood (not always the horrible kind,)
and SOME people put it behind them and just focus on being successful or whatever, and yet after a while, they end up very unhappy. (presumably because they didn’t face their demons (or whatever you shall call them) and DEAL with them, they didn’t underSTAND them, themselves.)
whereas OTHERS (like me, like us, artist friends)
may be unhappy earlier, and now, but in truth ARE very happy in our artist ways, and ARE trying to FACE the truths, to UNDERSTAND them, and to BE AUTHENTIC rather than just go through the motions.
and as any music teacher (or athletic trainer, or parent, or anyone worth a damn really) can tell you,
this takes time.
rome was not built in a day,
and
one doesn’t learn music in just a few short weeks or even years.
when you DO get “there” though, wherever THERE is,
you got their KNOWINGLY, with AUTHENTICITY, INTEGRITY and UNDERSTANDING.
to do otherwise would be like knowing how to IMITATE a language but not speak it.
of limited use.
do it the real way.
and this takes longer.
so…
it seems like I’m indeed on the right path after all,
and that comparing myself to others is never good, and
that I deserve far more Self-Compassion.
right, then.