I seem to always expect women NOT to like men (thanks mom and dad.)
I create a false sense of peace believing that THIS is why I am alone (it’s not.)
then when I see that woman do like all manner of men (except me it seems)
I get real sad, illusion gone, reality in. whatever that reality is. still alone.
Category Archives: Frustrations about women ‘n’ stuff
ehh, let’s be more positive, yes.
business and pleasure don’t go together
it has occurred to me that sometimes, in groups, say, of musicians, that one of those involved in is a sexual relationship with another involved, possibly the leader. possibly a not very exclusive relationship.
it sometimes seems that the sexual relationship was more important than the working one.
as if the sexual relationship is the reason for the working one.
that sounds like it’s never a good idea.
and I can’t imagine me doing that.
I mean I can’t imagine a woman and I having a thing together (ha) and then BECAUSE of the thing, having her in one of my groups.
sorry sweetheart, but it doesn’t work that way.
and WOW I’m a jerk!
and/or a big loser. yep.
I am indeed VERY afraid, petrified even,
it has just now occurred to me (perhaps not for the first time)
that I am indeed VERY afraid, petrified even,
(there ARE exceptions, very notable ones)
and that where others would be ambitious, particularly after showing great talent, ability, and success even,
I merely freeze, and wait for others to go away, so that I can feel safe again,
rather than actually be ambitious and move FARTHER forward.
1. sometimes it looks as though that which is farther forward is not as interesting as that which I have already done.
2. sometimes it would be good if I did so anyway, or at least employed others to do it for me or help me (I can’t be my own manager, I’m AWFUL at it.)
3. I also often, when I look, I don’t SEE what others see; when it occurs to others to “oh, next I would do THIS, or THAT”, this does NOT occur to me, often, OTHER things do (nothing wrong with this.)
hm.
too serious and not alottafun
a lotta people are really too serious and no fun.
some other people are really whimsical and ALOTTAVAGINA, I mean fun, a lotta fun, (hey is there a difference?) (of course there is, I have plenty of one, none of the other)
sometimes I wonder what if
sometimes I wonder what if anything I’m missing by just being me.
lets try more stuff
there “appear” to be some things I simply haven’t done enough to KNOW< or UNDERSTAND WHY or THAT I would enjoy them, what they have to offer… which means I must just settle down to doing them, several times, possibly a ton of times, BEFORE I judge that I hate them…
perhaps some day, I can truly know I am not interested…
but first,
it seems…
I’ll need to um, give them more of a chance…
I’m a teenage boy still, in other words.
but let’s not self-judge,
growing up, heh, no need to judge, it’s life, we live it. everythings ok.
let’s keep living.
into the moment, and moment music
things that bring you into the moment, such as eve Pilates, not just yoga and such…
out of one’s head, perhaps.
after doing pilates, assuming I manage to get on with my day (often I don’t)
life seems real nice, for some reason.
and the thought of the day shall be—|
“Perhaps I am happy, already.”
there being no “there” there, indeed.
THOUGHT-
THOUGHT-
–
oftheday
“All I want is sex.”
more like thought of the every 8 seconds.
if you don’t like/love yourself,
if you don’t like/love yourself,
you won’t LET others like you (love as well) and
if they get to close, you’ll actively do things to PUSH them away, sabotage.
seems to be a “reflective” in and out type of situation.
so, like yourself. then you’ll allow others to.
I like myself.
I like myself.
I like myself.