often when have wanted to do something, instead of just doing it, I have delayed it (forever) by asking others how THEY think it should be done, then getting super upset because their answer is at odds with my own instincts.
in the end, it is best if I follow MY instincts, not others. even if I’m wrong, often.
otherwise, who’s life am I leading, eh?
Therapy is cool. It helps to teach me such things.
Note to Self, 2 10 2015
going through with things and getting them over with, instead of fretting about them “so incredibly long that they NEVER come to pass at all, for decades,” seems like it’s almost ALWAYS the better idea.
I mean, if you’re gonna wait THAT long, so long that it becomes forever…
(hey, I know, this is what I’ve spent much of my life doing, putting things off in fear due to perfectionis…)
just do it indeed.
Things might be looking more positive and more optimistic for me.
I’m suddenly wanting to put out an album of James Tenney (and some other) music.
and some older percussion ensemble music as well (my own, primitive as it is compared to today, but no matter.)
It is a Prelude Act III – PARSIFAL, by Wagner, over and over again, type of evening, one most dispassionate and analytical.
still hearing it, HOURS later.
don’t worry, I’ll get to talking about it’s harmony some other time:)
here’s to the ENTP’s. and the INTP’s (such as my mother.)
I should like me an INTP, or ENTP, who happens to be a kind compassionate emotionally supportive “nice” person, indeed.
not sure that exists. we shall see.
or hell, maybe I should just keep on moving towards LIKING myself, such that I don’t rely “as heavily” on “other people being super soft and nice and lovey-dovey” in the first place.
My father is a night person.
worked 5pm till 1am most of his life, as a copy-editor for the sports page.
somehow, I too am this type of person.
late at night, alone, without the hustle and bustle of PEOPLE to interact with…
the internet is the only wild card that can still destroy this situation.
here’s to the ENTP’s.
and the INTP’s (such as my mother)
The Best Ideas always seem to happen between midnight at 6am…
that is certainly so, UNLESS:
1. you are on the internet at all
2. in the vicinity of any other massive distraction, such as people, or any kind of electronic device, other than music players.
it is SO RELAXING, sitting in a corner in a DARK cafe late at night, 12:24 am, WITHOUT THE BLOODY INTERNET! I MUST do this every day, or life is pretty much NEVER gonna get better, with this constant jive-ass distraction of facebook and other “garbage” at hand constantly.
remember this.
I shall say, being on the internet all or much of the time seems a terrible thing indeed.
it is as if you are never alone.
and why on earth would you want to never be alone?
Thought of the Day 2 6 2015
perhaps one would not be defensive if they did not feel that others were attacking them (regardless of whether other’s really are attacking them.)
feeling safe is important.
so is feeling valid, and deserving of happiness and life.
not letting others’ actions define you is a fine idea, as is not taking it personally when other people disappoint you.