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Norms, Interesting, Abnorms, etc.

if music with cooler rhythms and harmonies was NORMAL, I’d be normal in a heartbeat.

but it’s not about being normal, it’s about what’s INTERESTING… to ME…

so, are you telling me,

A. many people ARE interested in “norms”
B. many people are in fact NOT, nor are they even IN TOUCH with what THEY ACTUALLY ARE interested in, and they just “conform because for some reason they are afraid of, even noticing that they don’t know what they would like,” much less admitting it, much less looking for or discovering it?

(it seems so.)

or, maybe many people just have simpler tastes than I and ARE satisfied by what is typical. maybe a lot of both.

I wanna do what’s interesting to ME.

don’t see what’s wrong with that.

either many people are just boring (to me,) or many people WOULD BE interesting, but haven’t faced up to it and become their would-be selves yet. likely a lot of both.

Gamelan, what have you done to me

every time I arrange a little marching band drumline type music (which happens, but I wish it did more often)
I always seem to, as some of the keyboard players are less experienced than others,
I always seem to have some of the melodic parts be “simplified” versions of more notey ones, with like half of their notes removed….

Gamelan,

what have you done to me…

greater individualism in business, not conformity

so it would seem that maybe a lot or most average business people are
NOT VERY IMAGINATIVE…
either that and/or they are sellouts, catering to average people and the lowest common denominator.
how else do you explain the fact that most of their ideas are status quo, not that interesting, when

SO

many more fabulously creative and interesting and

repeat after me-
IN-DI-VID-U-AL
things are possible?

like a bloody food or coffee establishment with a QUIRKY unusual menu, one that’s NOT designed to BE what all the other ones are but better,

but to be

DIFFERENT, different as in
IT-BLOODY SELF!!!!

like SELL INDIAN food, or self-help books, or art books, or architecture magazines, or some other QUIRKY shits that don’t usually or EVER go together! and play classical music on certain days, and miles davis only on thursdays at 1am or somethin.

don’t be what everyone else ALREADY IS, dammit.

Like CalArts, my school. (though I graduated ages ago, I don’t use the term alma mater, no no no.) I wouldn’t want to see IT turned into what most other schools ALREADY ARE, only a lousier version of them, while ALSO becoming a LESS “IT” version of ITSELF….

(this is called, by me, THE GERSHWIN-SCHOENBERG ARGUMENT.”

America Composer George Gershwin, (this may be made up, but who care)
may have approached 12-tone inventor Arnold Schoenberg, for “composition lessons” at one point.
apparently, Schoenberg (this, again, may be just legend, but it’s point is excellent maximus)
ahem, Schoenberg allegedly said that he would NOT give Gerswhin lessons, for “If I gave you lessons, you’d just become a bad Schoenberg…. you’re already such a great Gerswhin!”

that goes for PEOPLE TOO! especially my artist friends.

and seriously, anybody wanna partner up (that is, pay for) investing in such a thing, I’m seriously down. up hit me.

( I tagged this, among the usual things,
to do with “WOMEN” and “POLITICS” because well I think it could apply to politicians and to “people in the dating scene.” as well. stop trying to be what everyone ELSE Is, dammit, just BE. YOU. dammit.

Not Liking Yourself… seems to

not liking yourself………. seems to result in a wide variety of seemingly unrelated and BIZARRE things….
such as but not limited to
1. seeking love from people who have none to give you
2. spending time around the wrong kind of people
3. trying to change people, (into ones who make you feel loved.)
4. ignoring it when people DO like you.
5. in various ways, using other people somehow approving of you INSTEAD of, IN PLACE of, your own self approving of you.
6. when people DO like you, abandoning THEM, and moving on, because no amount of “others’s liking you” can ever really compensate for you doing so yourself.
7. even trying to make “certain” other people behave in certain ways, as if if they do not, it is confirmation that you are not likable, but if they DO, you abandon them, and move on to the “next” “conquest”, always empty victories they, as, as above-stated, they can NEVER equal your missing self-love.
perhaps this is why my nice therapist is and has always been saying to take care of my proverbial inner child, and to tell myself that I like myself, that I love myself, etc.
nothing else will work nearly as good. it’s all like junk food instead of healthy food, pornography instead of romance, etc.

all kinds, judging, energy, not judging

some people are monkeys, others are elephants, still others are ants, and others may be trees, or grass.

when it comes to how much energy I have or do not have, remember, judging yourself by the standards of the norms, or by the standards of those who are very different than you (in my case, less energetic)
makes about as much sense as judging en elephant on it’s ability to climb trees, or an ant on it’s ability to grow, like grass, etc.

perhaps this is what them people who are like “celebrate all, differences” are on about, as well as what those who say that a one-size-fits-all approach to education is bogus, which is pretty much true, about education, and everything.
booyah

learning, like a kid again, hopefully always

I am moving towards not believing these old negative things about myself.
as such, I’m more open to things, however, I am still very interested in what “normal people’s norms are” and where they come from and why…. though, I shall have my own norms… but due to those negative things (the belief that I do not deserve love, and am an invalid lesser human (not true, never was, alas,) I never LEARNED my own norms, I just avoided so many things. so, here I am…. new to a lotta experiences, as if I’m a kid. it’s nice.
(my not having my own norms, as if I have simply never tried doing so very many things, is ALSO of course due to being ADHD, and having my own tastes and personality just because, too.)

Lucky am I to have a nice therapist (and not for the first time.)

Call me full of myself

Call me full of myself
(I’m not, and Bollox to ya’s,) but
being smart is bloody lonely sometimes.
You have your own norms that work fine for you
and yet some people tell you that you should use the normal norms instead,
that yours are not valid. (they seldom say this directly, but that other way)
you don’t want to be left out,
bloody hell, all you want is
a little companionship,
and maybe a lotta sex,
all you want is to feel ok even though
there’s many of them and few of you.
not too much to ask.
screw light, let there be love.
let’s start with the self kind.
it is most important after all.

hey, Dear Irondequoit High School:

hey, Dear Irondequoit High School:
thanks for the good education, seriously:)
(this is not a joke, I did learn nifty stuff there…. such as that stuff about Tragic Heroes, and how they don’t DIE in tragedies, but suffer, and become better people, etc, in 9th grade no less…)
not to mention all the music in Wind Ensemble and Orchestra and even some Jazz Band too….and everything else:)

thanks thanks

Thoughts on Scott Walker and Michael Corleone…

Thoughts on Scott Walker and Michael Corleone…
I just last night read such a review about…well… that Vito was all about his family, but Michael just does everything for power… and yes, loses his family, not unlike CREON in ANTIGONE (which we read in like 9th grade in high school I think (apparently I really had a good education… (just felt normal at the time.))
not unlike Anakin Skywalker as well… sorta… and any tragic hero
Wotan from The RIng as well…
I’ve never understood that… being into power for it’s own sake… and not in the service of “things that ACTUALLY matter.”
hey, Dear Irondequoit High School:
thanks for the good education, seriously:)