what do other people want, the approval of others?
do I want that?
no?
then why do I get upset when others get it and I don’t?
good question.
applies to when uh, it happens and doesn’t in sexual manners as well.
why should I care that other people are relating, if I never jump at the chance to do so even when I DO have it?
perhaps I already have (as a “friend” of mine (a man who was pretty fuckin cynical, and frankly, betrayed my trust and acted uncaringly when it came to musical performance (I was dragging and he DIDN’T BOTHER to NOTIFY ME! WHAT KINDA BEHAVIOR IS THAT????!!!!!!)
a man who SEE ABOVE once said, you already are what you want to be.
perhaps, invisible, alone, and nothing ARE what I want, then.
fear.
or comfort.
or whatever.
I shouldn’t discount fun that I have.
but what’s it all mean.
whatever who cares I’m tired.
it’s not like there IS some big answer to everything.