don’t compare yourself, don’t compare.
but I’ve never understood the ease at which other guys seem to engage in conversation with women, all the words flow so easily, I mean, what the fuck are they SAYING…

I don’t understand (don’t compare don’t compare)
how HOW you can find various things other people say interesting…
or why you would do them the disservice of pretending to be interested. to what end, so you can use them for sex?

that doesn’t seem moral to me.
and yet many seem to do it.

JUST don’t get it.
I still think being genuine is important, for some reason.

because I don’t feel I deserve to be normal (that is, dishonest and using?)
no. not that reason.

I don’t how to explain this other (say I’m childish or a narcissist (or smart:)
I find my own thoughts very interesting, and seldom do other things equal those things that I already find interesting.
I don’t want to go back to “less interesting” things once I’ve already found interesting things.

narcissistic? I don’t somehow think so.
my father is like this too. him being this way “was” hurtful when I was little.
I don’t have a kid, nor do I plan on it, so what’s the worry, what’s the worry indeed.

(they tell me that when men have kids, it changes them. we’ll see.)

wait, this entire “conversation” is being caused by my comparing myself to an older guy who has somehow struck up a conversation (the flowing wordy kind which both people “see” interested in,
with a nice looking lady behind me.

I’d be scared to do that, real uncomfortable
DEAR FUCKING GOD
“WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!”
…
…
not sure anything is.

perhaps I simply don’t like pretending to be interested, perhaps I simply lack patience, to put up with others,
and, the lack of touching notwithstanding,
I’m fine it, perhaps.

big sigh.

gonna die some day.

is it really always gonna be like this?

fuckin A.

bring me a nice woman who shares my interests and is hyper

so that we can play together.
if not, no matter, I’ll just keep playing alone.

it’s not that bad.