hmmm…
seems it is never to late
to decide you like yourself
you love yourself
that you DO have things to offer
that you ARE valid,
that you ARE lovable.
I mean, you’ve spent your whole life “not asking” for things you would if you DID believe these things,
why not change and behave this better way instead?
I can indeed think of no reason:)
(my therapist taught me this. I did too, it would seem.)
she is very good. so am I.
There is some music and dance that I REALLY REALLY love to play, and listen to.
it is of SUCH intense joy, that it pretty much is my favorite thing in life.
my PERSONAL TASTE in such matters is pretty much as follows:
(in no particular order of puesto (course)
1. James Brown
2. Wagner, namely The Ring, Der Ring des Nibelungen
3. plenty of West African Dance-Drumming, from Ghana, Guinea, Mali, Ivory Coast, etc.
4. The Planets by Gustav Holst
5. The Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinsky
6. Brazilian Music, particularly Brazilian Jazz
7. and yes, there’s always “Jazz”, yes yes.
8. don’t leave out CERTAIN HARMONIES (I’ll get to which ones)
and
9. STEVE REICH’s Minimalist Music and that of
10.. PHILIP GLASS as well.
African Dance, yes yes yes…. doing that is one of the awesomest things ever… total exhaustion, VERY stimulating, so much so that at the end, you are exhausted… and yet, you would (and do) continue dancing for more hours…
THIS is what I want… THIS is HIGH STIMULATION.
THIS is LIFE.
James Brown once said something along the lines of “I want to give them MORE than they came for, I want to make them (the audience) tired, ’cause THAT’S what they came for!”
Energy Usage.
…
…
…
perhaps I am a Hedonist. (perhaps I should google such terms before I use them, not “completely
certain if I have the right word in mind. (but where’s the fun in that, where’s the fun in that, inDeed…)
ADHD be a touchy subject for me, yes.
I just searched “ADHD MUSIC” without quotes.
what I seem to find (I haven’t found out for sure yet (see above)
are presumably
websites that have music that apparently
HELP
(sigh… grumble…seeth…..grrrrr)
HELP with ADHD…
I can only assume that that means that said music HELPS people with ADHD
(grrrrrrrr)
FUNCTION BETTER, or MORE NORMALLY (seething more….grrr)
in NORMAL SOCIETY, by
(fists clenched….. voice angry)
… by helping them be more normal, like everyone else…..
@($*%*#(%_#!!
!
needless to say… MY adhd music page is not about this, not in the same way at least (all presumption, I haven’t clicked on any of these sites; it’s 2:41 am and this is a touchy touchy subject, and I don’t wanna chance gettin all emotional and angry and resentful and vengeful (my life, my feelings) this late.
AS I was saying…
MY ADHD MUSIC pages (and my LIFE)
are not about helping us FUNCTION amongst figurative “mere mortals,” (that can mean anything from “Normal People” to “Non-ADHD people” to “Non-Artists”) at least, not in the same way, not by “denying” our impulses and need for “enough stimulation, by OUR measure, not be “normal people’s” but
by GETTING enough of said stimulation, whatever it is. (my life, after all.)
if I want to use ten times as much pepper on my eggs as most people do (as my best friend DOES IN FACT DO,) I fucking will.
TASTE.
if I were gay, I’d be gay. it is for no one to TELL ME I should have different TASTES or crave DIFFERENT AMOUNTS different ways different ANYTHINGS than I do.
and if I want to play African Music from Ghana for 4 or 5 hours until I can barely stand because it is a HELL of a good time (as I did last night), until I am exhausted and need to drink a lotta water and then coffee to drive all the way home, if THIS is what makes me HAPPY, then it BLOODY WELL IS!!!
JOY! and get outta my face if you think a “proper” night is spent reading or watching tv or sports or drinking or being with a loved one (not that I don’t enjoy that too.)
MY ADHD RESOURSE CENTER, (that might be a little formal for my tastes (sure as hell is)
is about THIS, not THAT.
THAT is fitting in, self-denial (I didn’t read no Neiztsche, no I didn’t)
THIS is BEING OURSELVES.
and feel free to criticize me as incredibly infantile and juvenile, that’s your prerogative indeed.
Become Awesomeness
Become Excitement
Become Interaction
Become Engagement
BECOME ENERGY USAGE, FLOW, MOVEMENT.
BECOME IT SO MUCH YOU ARE EXHAUSTED.
“THIS” is life. (at least sometimes.)
don’t worry. there is compromise involved in life.
we’ll get to that.
first we start from this place. this place right here.
p.s. this post may seem a little extreme, yes it may. everything’s fine, just strong words and strong feelings is all, folks. everything’s fine. 
is being approved of by others important, or is being honest and real(and therefore approved by ONESELF) important…
I know the answer.
Dammit, people should just what THEY LIKE. EVERYONE should do this.
that way, people wouldn’t be SECOND-HANDING everything, trying to GUESS what others want, and practically ignoring what THEY THEMSELVES want/are/need.
and no, little though of compromise has yet gone into this, after ALL, compromise comes, if at all, later, not in the beginning.
first you have a position, an ideal, an authentic, a real.
MUST turn off the harry belafonte or I will NEVER get to sleep!
WORK! WORK! WORK! SINORA!!!
Thought of the Day 1 22 2015 #2.
If I really love some music, I don’t seem to care at all whether it’s normal.
… Whether things are done for one’s own comfort/likes/tastes,
or for Other’s PERCEIVED comfort/likes/tastes, (as if that is even possible to know,) let alone their ACTUAL comfort/likes/tastes…
really is a BIG. QUESTION.
, now, isn’t it. (to me.)
and by extension, others doing things for “your” perceived comfort/likes/tastes… how can they know what your ACTUAL comforts likes and tastes are…
… psst. this isn’t actually a question at all, it is
my implication
that you should not in fact adhere to GENERIC social norms which, being generic, have possibly not all much in common with what other people ACTUALLY want.
and that you SHOULD to things according to YOUR likes and tastes and comforts.
just a thought, possibly a very big one.
I wonder what this has to do with being an artist. or being crazy. or awesome. or honest. or an individual. or all of these. not none. shoutout Raffi.
and yes, this is the way I think things should be.
I wonder also what this has to do with my feeling that being weird was not okay, as a child, as I as seem to have allowed my life to become a vengeful rebellion against the labelers, those who labeled me, while they are off living their lives (happily or otherwise…) I am here rebelling forever.
but alas, in the words of Yoda, “Decide “I” must, how to serve myself best…”
it is for no other to tell me, as it isn’t for anyone tell the main character from The Hurt Locker
that he should be happy at home with wife and kid, and not in Iraq in the adrenaline of battle, to be happy.
never let the tastes and opinions of “others” allow them nor cause you to label yourself as odd, or extreme. maybe they are the ones who are odd, extreme, or perhaps even boring and uninteresting, to you, instead:)
#backwardsbizzarotheory
Thought of the day, 1 21 2015
I don’t need help doing things, I need help believing that I deserve TO do them. big difference.
the thing is… so very often, almost always…. I wouldn’t THINK of “ASKING” for a lot, for myself. dreams for me don’t even OCCUR to me, thanks to the bad habit of um, believing that one is unlovable and invalid (in spite of how so many people do in fact treat me, yes.)
on so many occasions all along… when I’ve reached out for “advice”, and gotten “exactly the wrong kind of advice said exactly the wrong way (it has left me so discouraged that I’m crying, on more than a few occasions, honestly)
when I reached out for “advice…” what I really wanted was mere
encouragement, encouragement that I AM good enough, to TRY, that’s all,
not HOW to do it, (though unfortunately that may have been exactly what I asked…)
but in truth, I think what I meant, and still mean, is
that I merely seek encouragement TO go for it…
(I know the answer, by the way).
(it’s “yes, go for it, even though “any excuse at all.” still go for it.”)
when it comes to music (as opposed to “the self,”)
PerFection is
NOT. OPTIONAL.
😉
(((this requires explanation. I’ll get to it.)))