not liking yourself………. seems to result in a wide variety of seemingly unrelated and BIZARRE things….
such as but not limited to
1. seeking love from people who have none to give you
2. spending time around the wrong kind of people
3. trying to change people, (into ones who make you feel loved.)
4. ignoring it when people DO like you.
5. in various ways, using other people somehow approving of you INSTEAD of, IN PLACE of, your own self approving of you.
6. when people DO like you, abandoning THEM, and moving on, because no amount of “others’s liking you” can ever really compensate for you doing so yourself.
7. even trying to make “certain” other people behave in certain ways, as if if they do not, it is confirmation that you are not likable, but if they DO, you abandon them, and move on to the “next” “conquest”, always empty victories they, as, as above-stated, they can NEVER equal your missing self-love.
perhaps this is why my nice therapist is and has always been saying to take care of my proverbial inner child, and to tell myself that I like myself, that I love myself, etc.
nothing else will work nearly as good. it’s all like junk food instead of healthy food, pornography instead of romance, etc.
Category Archives: ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
ADHD is awesome, mostly.
all kinds, judging, energy, not judging
some people are monkeys, others are elephants, still others are ants, and others may be trees, or grass.
when it comes to how much energy I have or do not have, remember, judging yourself by the standards of the norms, or by the standards of those who are very different than you (in my case, less energetic)
makes about as much sense as judging en elephant on it’s ability to climb trees, or an ant on it’s ability to grow, like grass, etc.
perhaps this is what them people who are like “celebrate all, differences” are on about, as well as what those who say that a one-size-fits-all approach to education is bogus, which is pretty much true, about education, and everything.
booyah
learning, like a kid again, hopefully always
I am moving towards not believing these old negative things about myself.
as such, I’m more open to things, however, I am still very interested in what “normal people’s norms are” and where they come from and why…. though, I shall have my own norms… but due to those negative things (the belief that I do not deserve love, and am an invalid lesser human (not true, never was, alas,) I never LEARNED my own norms, I just avoided so many things. so, here I am…. new to a lotta experiences, as if I’m a kid. it’s nice.
(my not having my own norms, as if I have simply never tried doing so very many things, is ALSO of course due to being ADHD, and having my own tastes and personality just because, too.)
Lucky am I to have a nice therapist (and not for the first time.)
Call me full of myself
Call me full of myself
(I’m not, and Bollox to ya’s,) but
being smart is bloody lonely sometimes.
You have your own norms that work fine for you
and yet some people tell you that you should use the normal norms instead,
that yours are not valid. (they seldom say this directly, but that other way)
you don’t want to be left out,
bloody hell, all you want is
a little companionship,
and maybe a lotta sex,
all you want is to feel ok even though
there’s many of them and few of you.
not too much to ask.
screw light, let there be love.
let’s start with the self kind.
it is most important after all.
Trust Self. No Matter What.
trust self. no matter what.
trust self. no matter what.
trust self. no matter what.
trust self. no matter what.
TRUST SELF NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!
authenticness is liked by me, gotta do it
it seems I’ve gotta make my own little world, full of as many
authentic, bright and creative, non-sellout, interesting people as possible,
and some others too.
Haven’t I already been doing this forever?
gotta keep going and self-doubt less, it seems.
ONWARD
(see? very helpful, therapy is.)
trust self
I would resent less a world
I shall say, I resent VERY deeply that so many people are either
not authentic or
not very bright or
sellouts,
or just bloody boring.
good thing I’m not:)
so many ideas and goals, have I
I’ve SO. MANY.
goals and Ideas I want to do, but doing day-to-day things get in the way of them so often, as does procrastinating said day-to-day thing. (I don’t even have that many day-to-day things, Imagine being married, a parent…)
I lose track of them.
writing them down doesn’t help “much”, I misplace the things they are written on, particular if they are written in a computer.
I don’t know often HOW to work towards such things, (often the way that seems logical to ME, is lambasted by others (but what do they know, indeed (but too often, I give them my thoughts, and end up self-underminging my own instincts, getting all stressed…)
then I calm down, reconnect (ahhh, one of those elusive words that yoga people and hippies use) with myself, and my own instincts, and then repeat, but there so many of them.
I do need better habits.
I’ve had good habits for two days.
there are just so many of these nifty goals and ideas…. they are chaos, they overwhelm. I shall not be told that I must go against my own instincts in the HOW TO advice from others who do not understand what being me is all about.
if any of you friends are or are to be my “partners” in such ventures, I ask you to get together with me often, so we can do these things.
crawling before walking “is” true, but
it seems as I become older, that I somehow DO see more and more that “doing the basics” and not moving beyond where you can handle, when it comes to learning music, (and everything, (such as me learning how to “have relationships (which frankly, we’ve not even beGUN, I’m still in the “I like myself, I deserve to be happy” phase…)
is wise….
you really DO need to crawl before you can walk.
unless you are super gifted and insane, like Anakin…
so in THAT case, one size does NOT fit ALL, just many.
don’t ignore the exceptions.
(that, ignoring the exceptions, has LONG been my Major concern, it is merely occurring to me, an obviousness, that most people are not in fact exceptions.)
but some of us (like me) are. at least sometimes.
WHO’S an introvert (and also NOT one)
dear self, let’s make a list of
either/or
1. people that I am actually comfortable around, and/or
2. people that I may not be comfortable around but their presence, combined with mine, results in so much funny and fun high stimulation that I cease to be aware that I may in fact still be uncomfortable.
that is a very few people indeed.