there was never gonna be anything without self-love.
no one else could give it to me.
I would never have accepted other people’s compliments, much less their love, without SELF-love.
Category Archives: Frustrations about women ‘n’ stuff
ehh, let’s be more positive, yes.
best version of you
sudden inspiration:
your actions should conform to whatever the best version of is, or would have been or could be if you WERE in fact the best version of you.
crazy thought, I know
it seems/have positive beliefs no matter what
so it seems, the fact that there are some things that almost everyone but me does
does not in fact mean all that much, when it comes to my chances of some day doing them too.
I always believed it did,
but that’s what happens when you have ANY beliefs about yourself, negative or positive;
you see evidence of them everywhere you look, i.e, they sorta come true in a loose sense.
Serving others instead of yourself is easier if
THOUGHT of the day (like this one, I do.)
Serving others instead of yourself, and allowing others to serve you too
is easier if your tastes are conventional, average.
having any positive attributes
having any positive attributes (being talented, smart, or well endowed)
and yet not pursuing things
are not all that related at all, remember this.
don’t say “being (some positive attribute) doesn’t do me any good” (I’ve said it millions of times, before, not now)
that’s not true.
such positive things are kinda super great. don’t confuse having them with not pursuing your dreams, NOR WITH other people not being as cool, nor them just not liking you.
who needs em.
the right monkeys exist.
find yours.
start by BEING one.
and if you seem to find none, look elsewhere. a lotta people suck and are just no fun, especially if you’re like me:)
-how others treat you is never-
-how others treat you is never a reflection of anything but THEM.
this includes mommy and daddy when you were too young to understand that they are in fact human, imperfect, not god, and in all probability HIGHLY flawed.
be courageous when you can, and ask yourself, if your behaviors today are based on a childhood “misunderstanding” of the “chaos” that surrounded little you.
tell yourself that you deserve love, or whatever you “didn’t get”, regardless of what you DID get.
over and over.
for a very long time.
years.
the best time to plant a tree was when you were little.
the second best time is now.
a child would keep going until a very long time had passed.
adults you must do this too.
and you can.
if I wasn’t at a concert at the LA Phil…
if I wasn’t at a concert at the LA Phil…
I would be pissed that people were uncouth (wow, just wow, it’s not like me to use that word in it’s ACTUAL meaning) and that they weren’t interested in what I am.
yet, when I AM at such a place… a COMPLEX LITANY of STRONG emotions emerges.
everything from
resentment that other people are not as serious as me,
that other people are enjoying the work in a different way than I (call me a narcissist, CALL ME one!)
that
people bother to get “SUPER” dressed up, with “OTHER PEOPLE” who are super dressed up, and they do it as a SOCIAL OCCASION.
FUCK that!!! UMPH!
to irritation at the kinda formal generic lingo that the artists and presenters (ughhhh) use
to jealousy professional and otherwise, to
to wishing it was me instead of them,
to imagined resentment that the artists, were I to meet them, WOULDN’t be AS CRAZY as I, in MY way, (maybe they would, I’d love that… I could marry that…, or at least have sex with it…)
…yeah, it’s mostly at the audience, and the PRESENTATION.
HATE that formal SHIT.
but DO be serious, DO be serious. that’s not the same as formal, mind you.
…
in other words, I’m your normal sensitive crazy artist.
not bothering to do things
boy, I will say that NOT BOTHERING to do things…
certainly explains why they aren’t happening.
remember this if you self-sabotage, and then one day find yourself noticing that your life seems very lacking, either by your own standards (possibly too high), and/or by comparison to others (which ain’t really something you should do…)
as a critical thinker
but seriously, as a critical thinker, as someone who is interested in HOW and WHY….. a majority of people just piss me off, with their
doing things that don’t make sense, and yet doing them anyway, even though they don’t make sense,
and their lack of critical thinking.
I don’t like people who aren’t thoughtful.
that said, I probably also don’t like people who think different than I, but one thing at a time.
how other people treat me…
how other people treat me…. has usually seemed to be more important than I feel about myself…
that’s… a sign that all is not well, but we’re working, on it, that is.
sometimes, long long ago, I had a few relations with people.
but it seems, that it was more about amazement (that they would be nice to me, contrasting with my most negative views of myself (hey, they’re still negative, but not the way they were then, no.)
amazement that people would be nice to me.
sad that a person would ever form such negative views of oneself.
but you seem to get what you ask for.
so, let’s ask for happy stuff and let’s believe happy stuff.
this seems like The Secret. or not.
it also is something my Therapist, DOCTOR BRANDEN (the one that had a 26-year affair with Ayn Rand) said.