Call me full of myself
(I’m not, and Bollox to ya’s,) but
being smart is bloody lonely sometimes.
You have your own norms that work fine for you
and yet some people tell you that you should use the normal norms instead,
that yours are not valid. (they seldom say this directly, but that other way)
you don’t want to be left out,
bloody hell, all you want is
a little companionship,
and maybe a lotta sex,
all you want is to feel ok even though
there’s many of them and few of you.
not too much to ask.
screw light, let there be love.
let’s start with the self kind.
it is most important after all.
Category Archives: Frustrations about women ‘n’ stuff
ehh, let’s be more positive, yes.
Trust Self. No Matter What.
trust self. no matter what.
trust self. no matter what.
trust self. no matter what.
trust self. no matter what.
TRUST SELF NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!
authenticness is liked by me, gotta do it
it seems I’ve gotta make my own little world, full of as many
authentic, bright and creative, non-sellout, interesting people as possible,
and some others too.
Haven’t I already been doing this forever?
gotta keep going and self-doubt less, it seems.
ONWARD
(see? very helpful, therapy is.)
trust self
I would resent less a world
I shall say, I resent VERY deeply that so many people are either
not authentic or
not very bright or
sellouts,
or just bloody boring.
good thing I’m not:)
so many ideas and goals, have I
I’ve SO. MANY.
goals and Ideas I want to do, but doing day-to-day things get in the way of them so often, as does procrastinating said day-to-day thing. (I don’t even have that many day-to-day things, Imagine being married, a parent…)
I lose track of them.
writing them down doesn’t help “much”, I misplace the things they are written on, particular if they are written in a computer.
I don’t know often HOW to work towards such things, (often the way that seems logical to ME, is lambasted by others (but what do they know, indeed (but too often, I give them my thoughts, and end up self-underminging my own instincts, getting all stressed…)
then I calm down, reconnect (ahhh, one of those elusive words that yoga people and hippies use) with myself, and my own instincts, and then repeat, but there so many of them.
I do need better habits.
I’ve had good habits for two days.
there are just so many of these nifty goals and ideas…. they are chaos, they overwhelm. I shall not be told that I must go against my own instincts in the HOW TO advice from others who do not understand what being me is all about.
if any of you friends are or are to be my “partners” in such ventures, I ask you to get together with me often, so we can do these things.
crawling before walking “is” true, but
it seems as I become older, that I somehow DO see more and more that “doing the basics” and not moving beyond where you can handle, when it comes to learning music, (and everything, (such as me learning how to “have relationships (which frankly, we’ve not even beGUN, I’m still in the “I like myself, I deserve to be happy” phase…)
is wise….
you really DO need to crawl before you can walk.
unless you are super gifted and insane, like Anakin…
so in THAT case, one size does NOT fit ALL, just many.
don’t ignore the exceptions.
(that, ignoring the exceptions, has LONG been my Major concern, it is merely occurring to me, an obviousness, that most people are not in fact exceptions.)
but some of us (like me) are. at least sometimes.
community, connection, Love?
I wonder if community, connection, and Love, are truly the most important things…
just some thoughts,
-wistfully somewhere in Orange County…
WHO’S an introvert (and also NOT one)
dear self, let’s make a list of
either/or
1. people that I am actually comfortable around, and/or
2. people that I may not be comfortable around but their presence, combined with mine, results in so much funny and fun high stimulation that I cease to be aware that I may in fact still be uncomfortable.
that is a very few people indeed.
a lotta people ain’t my type
A whole lotta people ain’t my type.
they don’t have to be.
not a ton to say about it, just the title.
I’ve absolutely gotta have more faith and less doubt in myself, particularly when (as is almost always the case), other people are different than I.
what to do about resenting the generic
when I do things, for REAL, I think I’m painfully thorough, is one “bizarrely positive spin” on it at any rate.
I don’t really know HOW to be less thorough, other than “not doing the thing at all” or “taking others’ word for it and doing what they say, and not really understanding the how or the why of it, (which if I care, I never like.)
as such:
sometimes (not always, it seems,) I resent GENERIC things, status quo things, mainstream things, etc.
now, per therapy, in my “thorough” way, I must now (for the millionth time, but again)
ask
“do I resent them because of my “being worked-on” Belief (that I as I am am unlovable, invalid, not qualified)?
AND/OR (that makes it tricky)
“do I resent them because I really do just disagree in a fundamental way with what other people consider important/normal/sense-making, and how to do things?
if it’s the former, we need to re-evaluate, if the latter, then we kinda don’t:)