Category Archives: Frustrations about women ‘n’ stuff

ehh, let’s be more positive, yes.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, African Music, Burningman, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, Harmony, I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Music, Music Theory, Philosophy, Rhythmic Insanity, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized, Wagner

vile complaints about uninteresting music

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dude, I’m making some parts (string ones) to a piece for rock band with some strings.   (for a high school.)
(It’s work.)

man, my god, this piece is a lesson in how NOT to write for orchestra!
my GOD-

each instrument has un UNCHANGING part, always in 8 bar groups, often the same ones repeated later, NO variation added EVER. no interesting voicings, just roots and 5ths, etc.

all the instruments of an orchestra, and EVERYTHING is just doubled doubled doubled, no one “switches roles” ever, no “have the trumpets play E and G HERE, THEN have the violas do it, while the trumpets play “oooh I know, G and B!”)

it’s COMPLETELY unimaginative (and very easy to copy, for it’s just endless repetition (and no, it’s not minimalism, it’s just very very boring music.)

I can’t believe people pay money, much less tons of it, to hear such crap.  my opinion, yes.

it’s as if someone with no understanding of nor INTEREST in orchestration, harmony, or voicing, took a two-line keyboard part and copied everything note for note without any THOUGHT to ALL instruments, and THEN thinks THEY KNOW HOW TO WRITE FOR ORCHESTRA.

(maybe that’s just the style, yes, but I don’t like no such style.)

AND THEN PEOPLE IN THE GENERAL POPULATION AGREE, either cause they don’t know better (cause maybe they aren’t exposed to more interesting things, or at least a broader variety of things, or because they don’t actually listen, and just do what the media and tells them, or what their peers tell them, or because THIS REALLY “IT” what they are interested in (doubtful), or still also perhaps because their attention spans are really short (hey, I’m ADHD, I’d know.)

but no…. (see addendum)

AND PEOPLE HIRE THEM BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW ANY BETTER, NOR CARE, CAUSE IT’S ALL ABOUT PROFIT, AND THE HELL WITH CULTURE OR ANYTHING INTERESTING OR ARTISTIC!

I’M OFFENDED THAT THIS PASSES FOR ART!
CAUSE IT’S BLOOOOOOODY GARBAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…
this is something I hate about plenty pop music too. and edm.
they don’t  bother to try to do anything INTERESTING.

the hell with ’em.

I don’t need that.
people HAVE done interesting things.
be one of those.

leave these pathetic disinterested fools behind.

Addendum, written weeks later:

SOoooo that was pretty spiteful, yeah.

regarding the bit about people maybe having short attention spans?  no, that can’t be it.  they say “I’VE” got one, but only with things I don’t find interesting.

either many people don’t find music that is “at all substantive” interesting (by MY standards, anyway,)
or they simply aren’t listening, really, at all…

tagged burningman because they play tons of EDM there, and I hate edm.  yep:)

tagged African Music cause in IT, you REALLY have to listen CAREFULLY all the time, for various changes that happen, whenever the leader indicates.

tagged Minimalism, cause in IT, a similar thing to African music happens (in Steve Reich, at least.)  some Philip Glass too, in different but similar ways.

Tagged Music Theory and Harmony, cause I feel the palette of harmony used in a lot of popular music is WAY WAY simple and frankly, not that interesting.  not to me.

Tagged WAGNER for a similar reason (he had phat harmonies, man.

Tagged Philosophy cause, as usual, this IS part of MY philosophy:)

Tagged Adhd (duh)

Tagged Frustrations about Women cause I don’t see me being with any woman who greatly likes music that I find way boring.  and yep, I’m alone.  what’s your point?:)

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Philosophy, Self-Compassion, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

rapid fire exchange between me and myself

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so dude DUDE, I now bring to you

this rapid fire exchange between me and myself, about, well, a LONG list of things I want to do…. I was writing and writing more and more things and details, when I suddenly STOPPED…. hammer ti-nooo. I stopped and asked these questions.

p.s. “the ZEITGEIST question” is defined as follows:
it concerns whether I am doing whatever it is that I do, the way I do,
to be the most effective in conventional ways, like most people, basically, conforming, compromising, OR:
for myself, for my ego, for stimulation, and accepting the results.

an example follows at the end:

“wait000. HOW do you want to go ABOUT doing these things though> and how does THAT differ than how others would….
and…. how or why is that important?
are you trying to do something that is the most likely to be successful, ORRRR, are you trying to do something that is in line with YOUR OPINIONS about how YOU would/are doing/do it???

the zeitgeist question, ah yes.
well?
debate, between me and myself:
why should I do it the average/typical way?
I think my way might work BETTER.
when I do it the average way, I don’t UNDERSTAND the results. it doesn’t make any SENSE to me, I don’t AGREE WITH what the data MEANS………
people SAY “this person assumed this, when you did that.”
how do they know, I don’t think they SHOULD assume it, and my BELIGERRANTNESS seeks to UPEND it and CALL THEM OUT, saying WHY would you assume that, you SHOULDN”T.

is this about you, sir?

is it?
yes.

we are wrestling, having a TUSSLE, aboutst the zeitgeist question yes.
i this about about doing what other people think works,
or about doing what I think would work?doing what I think works (as I’m typing this, I’m getting REAL HAPPY< as the cool (low A and LOW D part of DEEP IN A DRUM comes onOOH yeah…)

THAT”S what I want.

so, it’s about EGO, sir.
I’ma LEADER!!! HAHAHA! I’m more happy to you egotistical bastard! HAHAHAHA!!!””

now for an example of the Zeitgeit Question:

I could learn to do and say what others do, say, in dating, or job searching, or interacting, or people-pleasing or networking, or dressing, etc. because people JUST DO, or because I am genuinely afraid (I’m not. at all.) that “something terrible and humiliating” will happen if I dare not fit in (it won’t, and I feel sorry for people who think so. even if I DO get excluded from things because of my honesty and not giving a fuck.

in the words of Groucho Marx, when, after having been excluded from a country club BECAUSE THEY WERE JEWISH, later, when they because famous movie stars, they were invited to said club, Groucho is reported to have told them, on behalf of The Marx Brothers:

“I wouldn’t want to be in any club that would accept me as a member.”

i.e, fuck off with yas, we don’t need you.

AHEM< I was attempting to give an example of The Zeitgeist Question in action, here it is:

I could learn to do and say what others do, say, in dating, or job searching, or interacting, or people-pleasing or networking, or dressing, etc. because people JUST DO.

or I could do those things in ways that make ME feel good RIGHT AWAY, refusing to play the game, (why would I want to be accepted, if I have to be someone else to become accepted? pardon me but I’d rather starve.)

sorry, but can’t think too well right now, gotta go eat.

if this is such a bad idea, then why do people admire me for it?

cause I’m a LEADER, bitches.

onthefuck ward!

fuckin A, just START something and KEEP FUCKING GOING!!!

and LISTEN to this tune… DO IT

 

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Burningman, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, Harmony, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music, Music Theory, Philosophy, Politics, Self-Compassion, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

existing whether labeled/noticed or not

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the frequency A 440, ANY of them, really, has EXISTED, um, perhaps forever or somethin, LONG before

WE HUMANS IN THE WEST
gave it a NAME and a NUMBER.

it’s a SOUND, or vibration or whatever, and it predates ONE CULTURE’S measurements and things by very far.

it existed, and exists, whether WE or ANYONE gives it a LABEL or NOT. it just IS.

how bout that.

seriously, think about that, so often we feel like if mommy or daddy doesn’t notice us, (rightly so, in that case,) that we don’t exist, so to speak.

but as we grow older, surely (not always) we must learn things such as

  1.  our feelings, existence, etc, ARE Valid, THEMSELVES< with OR without validation from others, in the form of facebook likes, or something similar, fame, etc.
    we are not defined in terms of others.   to define ourselves that way….seriously,  just don’t do it.

    friends’ comments on this were as follows:

    me:
    it’s the same with rhythms. grid or no grid (16th notes and such I mean.) they exist independent of this, like Swing. and some African rhythms, some of em are “kinda crazy”  if you think of them in a strict western grid sense. some of em’s on the in between.

    friend 1:
    ” There is a current math problem that asks whether numbers exist whether or not humans are there to think about them. Are numbers a part of the physical world or are they a human construct? It’s an interesting question and there are many different schools of thought in the issue. What you said about frequencies reminded me of it.”

    me:

    ” reminds me of The Matrix (3rd Film, Revolutions.) they ask the same questions of LOVE, whether it is a Human Emotion, or a word.

    I tend towards the “I exist whether I am visible to/approved of by others, or not” school of thought myself.

    I mean, nevermind hollywood, and the Society of the Spectacle (a book by GUY DEBORD.)

    and fuck the Space Monkeys and others like them in FIGHT CLUB.

    it’s not about being part of groups. we’re OURSELVES, first. and last.”

    friend 2:
    “My question that correlates to your statement is: Are we creating music or discovering music? One answer leads to us as the creator of the music experience. Another answer leads to someone or something creating the foundation for discovering music. If you look to the harmonic sequence and the evolution of music from chant to today you can see the pattern of consonance (early chant 8th, 5ths, and 4ths, to harmony (classical Maj 3rds min 3rds) to dissonance (chromaticism) progressing through time to eventual inclusion of all intervals based on the harmonic sequence. Are we creating or discovering? Have fun with this Mike.”

    friend 3:

    “duuude yes. for some years now I’ve been thinking about writing music as a form of discovery rather than creation. and i am especially inclined to believe this is the case because of those moments when i get a really great melody rhythm or progression and i wasnt even trying. it’s almost accidental. and the process of developing musical skills is similar to developing ones abilities to detect things in the environment. you add to your skill set so that you can find music more efficiently. thats my is my hypothesis.”

    friend 4:

    “Well the “sound” part only takes place in our heads, and doesn’t really exist outside that moment of experience, but yea, 440 probably only exists because that was the most affordable amount of pipe to make an A on an organ or something.”

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, Harmony, I'm a Crazy Artist, Music Theory, Philosophy, Self-Compassion, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

my. dear me. hard to explain/Pat Metheny

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my. dear me. hard to explain.

hearing some music, a few “very sad” old Pat Metheny tunes

(“September Fifteenth” and “It’s For You” both from the Wichita Falls album which are “almost” AS sad as the song “San Lorenzo” from their first, Self-Titled album.)

many years ago, it seems (1999, maybe even 1998)
these songs seem to have been a part of moving on after college (in hindsight, all before calarts:)

leaving old friendships, literally,

and a HORRIBLE sense of loss and hopelessness, as if our best days were alREADy behind us (yes, I was 22 or 23… how funny it seems now.)

as if mistakes made then could NEVER be corrected, improved upon,

as if we’d alREADY made the wrong choices and we would NEVER EVER have second chances, at life, love, anything.

(reading these words…. thinking of them…
I can’t help but think

“my GOD, WHAT kind of depressing as fuck upbringing did I HAVE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!”

I used to hear these songs and, well, short of crying (which DID happen, sometimes,) I’d just LANGUISH in a pile of misery and despair… their jazzy harmonies (Ebm11…. minor 11 chords… not unlike in a Reich piece…).

I thought things would NEVER get better.

it all had something too, to do with a film known as FANDANGO, a coming-of-age film, starring the young kevin costner, about some young men in a very similar situation (albeit, the vietnam war draft wasn’t a factor in our own real-life version.)

(this film was after the fact; we knew and experienced the songs and feelings “quite some time” before becoming aware of a film which seemingly by coincidene, used several of the same songs and feelings)

flash foward to today.

while I could indeed be happier,

I couldn’t really be much happier with the crazy fun stuff I get to do.

SO MANY new things happened after those days, SO much music, SO many people, SO many friends, so many EVERYTHINGS.

and they tell me I’m still young.

(I read about Dementia today…. sounds like it sucks, hopefully I’ll already have lived well enough if I ever get it.)

I’m hearing one of these tunes RIGHT NOW.

“It’s For You” from the Wichita Falls album by Pat Metheny and Lyle Mays.

Bill Maley. I remember all this, old friend:)

I bet you also do.

life is pretty good.  smile emoticon

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, African Music, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Music, Music Theory, Philosophy, Politics, Self-Compassion, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized, Wagner

psst: I’m a leader! (shhh)

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Today I asked someone trusted, the question of the week:

“Why is it that so very often, what normal/other/average/many people consider to be a reasonable way of doing things… is so VERY “out of phase” with how I would do them?

this has troubled me for DECADES.

Their answer?

“Because you are a Leader.”

speechless.

very nice indeed.

 

 

 

 

this is tagged almost EVERYTHING, cause it IS almost everything.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Compassion, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

I find people uncomfortable, and SELF-COMPASSION

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ok so seriously, I know this is probably weird to say, yes, but I honestly wonder why people bother being together, sometimes.

I find most people quite uncomfortable, compared to me myself and I.

there seem to be a lotta people I just sorta don’t like.

or. hm…

and yeah, sex is cool,

but companionship, man, I don’t usually find activities involving other people comparable to the ones I do alone. not sexual ones, but other ones.

unless said activities ARE the ones I also do alone.

so who the fuck knows.

today a friend said something about how some people, face trauma in their childhood (not always the horrible kind,)

and SOME people put it behind them and just focus on being successful or whatever, and yet after a while, they end up very unhappy. (presumably because they didn’t face their demons (or whatever you shall call them) and DEAL with them, they didn’t underSTAND them, themselves.)

whereas OTHERS (like me, like us, artist friends)

may be unhappy earlier, and now, but in truth ARE very happy in our artist ways, and ARE trying to FACE the truths, to UNDERSTAND them, and to BE AUTHENTIC rather than just go through the motions.

and as any music teacher (or athletic trainer, or parent, or anyone worth a damn really) can tell you,

this takes time.

rome was not built in a day,

and

one doesn’t learn music in just a few short weeks or even years.

when you DO get “there” though, wherever THERE is,

you got their KNOWINGLY, with AUTHENTICITY, INTEGRITY and UNDERSTANDING.

to do otherwise would be like knowing how to IMITATE a language but not speak it.

of limited use.

do it the real way.

and this takes longer.

so…

it seems like I’m indeed on the right path after all,

and that comparing myself to others is never good, and

that I deserve far more Self-Compassion.

right, then.