curiousity doesn’t kill cats,
cynical assholes with lousy analogies do.
curious beings be meant to explore and sniff all about.
like me, with my pursuits of high stimulation and
enjoyment of ENERGY-USAGE.
like I’m a car engine and want to be driven, for fucks sake.
it ain’t all about learning to sit still, ALWAYS.
fuck in A, GO OUT AND RUN AROUND!
a bomb is meant to explode, and
fuck me but a
curious person is meant to go lookin all around.
and me, I’m meant to use my energy and get exhausted in a way
that hopefully feels good
YES now
Category Archives: Thought of the Day
a time to serve others. and myself.
if there is to be a time when I will serve others, a partner, children, it will come.
or not.
for now I’ll work on myself.
smile emoticon
after all,
“I” matter TOO. wink emoticon
trust oneself
I am becoming less interested in how others who disagree with me would or wouldn’t do what I do, or want to but am/was afraid to.
and more interested in how “I” would.
because there is and never was any truth in the notion that I am invalid or unlovable, and other people disagreeing with me, or being different than me, does not make me unlovable or invalid, as I always seem to have thought.
well then.
A ZeitGeist Question 4 7 15
the big question, … bringing to mind (my perhaps incorrect usage of the term)
ZEITGEIST….
of my life right now
is
“when am I doing things for others and when am I doing them for myself?”
and I don’t actually mean WHEN
I also mean why, how, and in what ways do I disagree with “typical people’s opinions” on this matter….
a far far far bigger problem
being adhd is FAR FAR FAR less of a problem-
than believing you are worthless person who does’t deserve anything, who takes every non-perfect outcome of every single step taken towards any goal, as well as every comparison,
as PROOF that they ARE worthless and should never have bothered taken the step.
today, I can see that simply bouncing around and finding less-then-amazing tasks boring
is nothing compared to that.
well then.
what “it’s not about you” REALLY means…
historically having felt responsible for all manner of things that are not in fact my responsibility at all (1. mom and dad’s marriage, 2. peace in the middle east, 3. everyone else’s emotions (see #1…)
when the words “it’s not about you” or many paraphrases of it were used…
I never got the message; it merely made me feel even more responsible (that is, guilty and shameful because I couldn’t control things.)
simply learning that a lot of people’s actions are not in fact under my control, are not my fault, and are not being done because of me (that is, they have nothing to do with me, they aren’t about me, but with kinder more compassionate less pointed less blaming words,)
is very nice indeed.
I always believed I was unlovable (not true, never was) and invalid (not true and never was,) this is at this point called “The Belief.”
when people said “you think everything is about you” in spite of them maybe MEANING (if they even did) the above…
it ended up coming across as further proof that the belief was true, and therefore completely backfiring and having the opposite effect of the possibilities of freeing someone from feeling responsible for so very many things for which they are not.
so…
particular when dealing with a weirdo like myself
choose your words carefully if you want to be understood.
concentration without the internet=win
as expected,
1. in a well-lit environment full of busy people who are not paying me any attention (unlike numerous other late night coffeehouses where I feel self-conscious)
2. and without internet I’m getting TONS done, at least tons of THOUGHTS that aren’t bullshit facebook-related non-thoughts.
other people’s norms/my versions/my own
because using other people’s norms in the normal way is one thing (Rienzi, Das Liebesverbot, and Die Feen.)
adapting them for your own purposes is another, Der Fliegende Hollander, Tannhauser, Lohengrin, but
designing your very own with your purposes in mind from the BEGINNING is enTIREly another! (Der RIng (Rhinegold, Walkure, Siegfried, Gotterdammerung,) Tristan, Meistersinger, and Parsifal.
(those are the 13 opera’s by Wagner, the first two of which I believe never saw performance during his lifetime, the next three were him (I believe) adapting existing operatic styles (german, italian, and french, I think.. (Maybe I’m paraphrasing or remembering incorrectly)
and the remainder are his own, mature music dramas.
UNRESOLVED HARMONIES!! I WANT!!!
WHY DON’T I want things to reSOLVE harmonically?
Dammit! LEAVE the #4 THERE! LEAVE THE #4 TRITONE IN PLACE!!! BY ITSELF!!!! IT DOESN’T NEED A BLOODY RESOLUTION!!!
concentrating is so much easier without internet
i REALLY need to be in get things done mode without internet daily.
for hours.