I’ve seldom let myself be loved.
but I have connections to some people.
being understood, appreciated, even loved,
is nice.
and I don’t so much mean in the friendly way, got lots of that, it seems.
always need more of it from SELF, yes, that too.
but there’s a couple people, real few, who do or did seem to love me in a way that IS beyond just friends, and that’s nice.
such thoughts came to me when I heard this song:
track 11, FROM NOW ON.
http://sonanaut.bandcamp.com
it’s real interesting; the itunes playlist this is in says:
“How Tranquil but too easy to cry to…”
that seems to be slowly changing, it does.
instead of crying and feeling like a wounded person, (which I was,)
feeling my immense sadness and sense of loneliness,
now, unless I’m still depressed (it happens)
when I hear something like this,
I envision sharing it with some loving woman, and yet, we’d not be sad, we’d be happy with each other, in some kinda loving peaceful zen-space.
sounds like a nice thing, yes….
today it feels like the high energy me is just some kinda illusion (he’s not, not all the way,) but that there is this, very sensitive, and often quite frightened me, underneath, he is zen-like, peaceful…. introspective, occasionally going for long walks late at night, alone.
it’ll be nice to share such a thing with someone, yes.