no matter what happens to you, no matter what you do, no matter who does or doesn’t love you-
YOU’RE STILL YOU.
make
YOURSELF happy and loved, BY YOURSELF.
nothing else will do it “instead.”
Category Archives: Burningman
… I think it’s official
… I think it’s official, I do not like BEING in suburbia, or any other place where things shut down and feel dead any time before midnight, hopefully later.
whenever I am in a hustling bustling environment, (near ucla, or in hollywood, or calarts on a thursday night) I feel like actually doing things…
for some reason I like the sense that there are many things goin on all around, and that they will keep happening all night, long after I
1. keep going on my thing WAY longer than only one or two hours, and
2. way past when I “DO” move on to something/someplace else.
what do you suppose this is?
personally, I think I’m
1. Sensitive, and
2. Like Stimulation.
you?
P.S. I think I DO like “sleeping” in suburbia though
p.p.s yes, it seems I like to cozy up and concentrate on whatever I’m doing (with my computer, or paper and pens) in such places (and headphones, never forget them. or at least Live Jazz.)
I AM VALID BECAUSE I AM ME
I AM VALID BECAUSE I AM ME, NOT BECAUSE I AM PART OF SOMETHING ELSE.
not that being part of something isn’t also nice, but it doesn’t define me, BEING ME does.
Behaving the way I want
THOUGHT of the day, 1 10 2015
(among many many others as always)
I’M NOT interested in determining an appropriate way to behave for the situation I’m in;
I’M interested in BEING in situations appropriate to the way I want to behave.
I’m GONNA behave the way I WANT,
if it’s not appropriate “here”, I’ll go someplace where it IS.
so THERE:)
i.e,
I adjust the form for the content, not the content for the form.
tagged burningman because this “happened” at burningman (2003, 2005, and almost 2015 as well.)
so if my life WASN’T about coping with feeling unhappy
so if my life WASN’T about coping with feeling unhappy, because I WASN’T unhappy…
would I do something different?
wonder what…
I got ideas, yo
me or others,
so, a little discussion of what I call
The Zeitgeist Question, which refers, to me, to the notion of am I doing something with myself in mind, or others…
did I miss the day in school where-
where they taught you that when you work for people, yoi ddo what they ask, and not what you want?
or is that not true…
I mean, I have drumset students, kids.
they don’t know what they want or how to get it.
one of them is capable of butchering his way through a song, but if he ever wants to execute it WELL, in tempo, etc, he’s NOT gonna do what HE wants and just play play play, regardless of HOW to play well, so of course, he then needs to do what I say, the way I say it, (bearing in mind which approach I propose works best for him of course, blah blah.)
or am I just incredibly selfish, and never want to work for others, because what they want isn’t interesting to ME?
and why am I different than people who “do it anyway.”
perhaps I am just a selfish twit, only child after all, am I.
perhaps I’m impatient.
perhaps I have things I like.
perhaps a lot of average things just don’t “do it” for me.
perhaps I’m Super impatient.
or perHAPS-
you instead of me are TOO patient,
perhaps you DON’T have things you like, feel strongly about, love, can’t wait for.
perhaps a lot of average things DO “do it” for you.
perhaps you are super patient.
not that I have many “ideas for businesses”, but all the ones I do are usually not about every day things that happen to every day people, things that theoretically would be widespread, but
rather
highly specific things that are interesting to me, not every day things, but highly specific ones relating to me and my weird experience. things that aren’t widespread.
oh WHAT is the matter with me…
or what is the matter with everyone else.
why are we different at all.
and why must I suffer, on the lonely end of the stick so.
awesome as it is, here.
where do others GET the patience to provide a service which they have no interest in? (naturally, if they are poor, or are forced to because of capitalism, yeah that would make sense… but plenty of people I know are NOT like that, and STILL do things that I find muy boring.)
… seems always like things would be (seems…) so much easier if I just conformed, hid my feelings, bit the bullet and just conformed. but no.
it wouldn’t be easier, and I must struggle on, as the real me.
a private space
my favorite places always seem to be big big open ones, with nooks and crannies where you can be alone, but there is always something going on somewhere nearish by, so that there is something big and fun involving people, to do, but that it will go on with or without me, and that I can get away from it easy if I want, and not be surrounded by “just anybody” like in most public places.
very few places/spaces seem to qualify as this.
CalArts itself seems to be number one, of these.
it’s also nice, when said space is like, available always, open at 3am if desired.
also nice if it’s full of artsy weirdos who never judge, who, like you, are at any time super engrossed in some super-interesting stuff, to them, i.e, in their own little world.
I surely am an introvert in this manner yes.
a couple, one, maybe two, coffeehouses capture like 20 percent of this, most don’t at all.
really could use some more of such spaces.
you too?
I’ve had the idea of “building” one, renting parts of it out for cheap, somehow, like a hotel, but cheaper, and “not” making people rent it for a whole day if they only want it for 2 hours.
I just don’t feel “safe” around most people or in most places. not physically unsafe, no no, emotionally, in the introvert sense, or maybe the cat one.
You’re Still You/Be Here Now, yes
… seems easy to become envious, jealous, to see others and think “gee if only “I” had what THEY have… THENNNNN my life would be ok, THEN I could feel good.”
but surely, this MUST be an illusion, and far from the truth, right?
because I know, no matter what others do, no matter how well they treat you, nor how rich you are….
at the end of the day….
in the words of Tyler Durden, though in a different context.
“you’re still YOU.”
YOU with your insecurities and fear and anger, and all the other stuff, better things than negative emotions, I would hope, yes I have them too.”
so it can’t be about
being famous, being rich, or winning a grammy, or being loved by any specific people.
nor anything in the minds of others, and dare I say, nor of any god either.
others don’t have to live with you.
god doesn’t have to live with you either. (that is true whether he exists or not.)
but YOU DO have to live with you.
and there is no escape into being perfect, things being easy if “so and so” were different instead of what is.
it must be the here and now, it must by our knowledge, our experience, our feelings.
that must be it.
breath into it.
this is the universe, it would seem.
I wonder if the western idea of success…
sometimes I wonder, if the western idea (there are other versions of it elsewhere in the world, yes)
but I wonder if the western idea of success…
is in fact imperialistic, overarching, conquering, violent, and unnecessary.
and that perhaps getting by with less than everything, and simply being happy, you know, and ENJOYING LIFE… matter more.
it is always through the graces of some very kind people that I come to such thoughts.
Tagged African Music because it was the kindness of many Africans at an “African Contributions to Kern County CA” conference (at which I (and some African friends) was playing (yes, African) music at , that led to these thoughts.
and the fact that in general, I think Africans more often have got this down…, that is, being in the moment, and enjoying life now.
is that racist? 😉 no.
Nietzsche quotage
“No Artist Tolerates Reality.”
-Nietzsche.
you got THAT right.