conscientiousness, or what might be referred to (by a buncha JERKS,) as “executive function” (seriously GO TO HELL if you come at me with that)
seems pretty tough for me a lot of the time. there’s just TOO MANY things I want and need to do.
only relief seems to be when I somehow actually start one of them, or when other people are doing one that I want to be a part of.
Ritalin’s not an option (long story.)
took Strattera once. NOT a pleasant experience. I mean, I didn’t want to do or care about ANYTHING while on it. it was like cutting of a guys balls so that he won’t get an erection and freak out women. no no.
I am not all that into the idea of such meds (long story.)
I am more into, and this is very difficult to actuate, I must say
simply not surrounding myself with distractions (this is why I don’t have a smart phone,) and just BEING around very few things, ONE if possible. assuming that I have eaten and slept enough, and have made enough money too (these together are simply too tough, man) and AND
have GOTTEN enough HIGH STIMULATION such that I DON’T seek to turn all manner of low-stimulation things INTO high ones. that NEVER works, and can waste entire days. I mean, iMAGine trying to take something that’s super mundane, and doing it over and over such that ypu hope, foolishly, that the repeated uses of it ADD UP to the stimulation and life-vitality, of say, a SINGLE experience of playing a little music, or talking to someone. like trying to build a mountain with specks of stand. you’d be better if you started with really big rocks.

… never really have figured out the balance, if there is to be one,

between

doing things to survive if I personally can’t stand em…

I mean, where to even START from…
there’s so many options, you could

do something you hate, and just tolerate it (yeah, and I could torture myself too.)
you could do things you love and try to get payed (doing that, haven’t starved yet, probably should have.)
or you could, FAR more challenging for a perfectionistic adhder who
a. doesn’t observe
b. nor understand
c. nor agree with

other people’s ways of doing things, (and other people’s thoughts,) in general.

you could, far more difficult, try to come up with some kinda mixture… but where to start…. and when to judge and evaluate and reevaluate, harder to answer, Yoda-San, yes…