Category Archives: Thought of the Day

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Politics, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

doing things for oneself or others

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… Whether things are done for one’s own comfort/likes/tastes,
or for Other’s PERCEIVED comfort/likes/tastes, (as if that is even possible to know,) let alone their ACTUAL comfort/likes/tastes…

really is a BIG. QUESTION.
, now, isn’t it. (to me.)

and by extension, others doing things for “your” perceived comfort/likes/tastes… how can they know what your ACTUAL comforts likes and tastes are…

… psst. this isn’t actually a question at all, it is
my implication
that you should not in fact adhere to GENERIC social norms which, being generic, have possibly not all much in common with what other people ACTUALLY want.

and that you SHOULD to things according to YOUR likes and tastes and comforts.

just a thought, possibly a very big one.

I wonder what this has to do with being an artist. or being crazy. or awesome. or honest. or an individual. or all of these. not none. shoutout Raffi.

and yes, this is the way I think things should be.

I wonder also what this has to do with my feeling that being weird was not okay, as a child, as I as seem to have allowed my life to become a vengeful rebellion against the labelers, those who labeled me, while they are off living their lives (happily or otherwise…) I am here rebelling forever.

but alas, in the words of Yoda, “Decide “I” must, how to serve myself best…”
it is for no other to tell me, as it isn’t for anyone tell the main character from The Hurt Locker

that he should be happy at home with wife and kid, and not in Iraq in the adrenaline of battle, to be happy.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Philosophy, Politics, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

second post from 2 year ago, on hating.

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Second post from my tumblr, from some time in 2012, 2013.

on the (non)-wiseness of hating the haters via facebook…
for a long long time, I’ve acted “just like” the republicans and conservatives and christians that I have “kinda come to hate” thanks to um, the internet, life, erection cycles (election, that is) and well, I dunno, other reasons as well.

I have kinda taken on some of the characteristics of them pundits myself, on facebook.

I’m hateful, of them.

A kind friend this week was kind enough to point out that me doing this is kinda waste of my time and energies, I should be making music, and that doing this hating is just sad.

Were he an authority figure, an “adult” (I’m 37, so what the fuck)
a “normal person”, or someone from “back home”, especially if were one of the hated (see above,) I’d have gotten way defensive and didactic and been a pain in his ass and been way stubborn. But now.

I trusted this guy.

cause I believe him to be what I am, that is, a Crazy Artist from CalArts of course.

we had a totally public conversation on a facebook thread (158 comments.)

in which I mentioned what I am calling

“the Backwards-Bizzaro-Theory.” I’ll get to that some other time.

Well, as a result of his kindness or whatever,

I’ve ACTUALLY tried, since then, to not spend as much time posting political opinions, and to not get real angry with the repubs and the christians and those who are different than I, a tough task I should say.

and, somehow, though there are other factors in this as well,

I actually wrote music last night. first time in a while.

I play music, yes.

let us play music.

bout time I stopped stopping myself from doing that which is my purpose, so to speak.

yes then. and now.

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

exercise in The Backwards-Bizzaro Theory

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never let the tastes and opinions of “others” allow them nor cause you to label yourself as odd, or extreme. maybe they are the ones who are odd, extreme, or perhaps even boring and uninteresting, to you, instead:)

#backwardsbizzarotheory

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Harmony, Music, Music Theory, Philosophy, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

minor third, minor second, repeating

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half step, minor third. repeat. what do you get–another “symmetrical from a certain point of view” scale (symmetry is the wrong word… I know…)
C Db E F Ab A C…

or minor third minor second…
C Eb E-nat, G, Ab B C…. that one seems more interesting only because it contains a C major and Minor triad (to BEGIN the analysis from at least.., ‘specially if you are telling this to very young people who may have just learned what a major chord IS… (something I am prone to do, I love making them aware that the universe is huge, not just a bunch of boring whole and half steps, I like making them aware of this long before they have been put through years or flitting about with whole and half steps… not that they don’t HAVE to DO said flitting about, most certainly they do. but as a child, and still now, I always think, and indeed used to actually ASK THE TEACHERS, in first grade, “what does this have to do with me?” (i.e, why should I learn this, and not just because the school says so, but what is the ACTUAL REASON?)

anyway…

the second one, m3, m2 repeating…

Cm and CM are in it… with optional m6, M7, and #9, though without a b7… …
obviously, the same exact chord qualities and such will repeat off of E and Ab, augmented, M3rds apart of course….

shallst this be used to move from a “normal, diatonic, functional-harmony use of CM, or cm, to some OTHER chord, via THIS arrangement, instead of by 4ths?
certainly!

Frustrations about women 'n' stuff, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

a step forward in self-esteem

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thought of the day:
these days, thanks to therapy, I tell myself that I like myself, that I love myself.
I suppose that instead of thinking that I am unlovable or invalid,
that people (when it comes to romance at least) either have bad taste (their taste is not in me, that is)
or that they are simply not given the opportunity (by me, and my lack of engagement with them.)

(I assure you, friends, this is a marked improvement over “the old beliefs.”)

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, I'm a Crazy Artist, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

encouragement, not advice

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the thing is… so very often, almost always…. I wouldn’t THINK of “ASKING” for a lot, for myself. dreams for me don’t even OCCUR to me, thanks to the bad habit of um, believing that one is unlovable and invalid (in spite of how so many people do in fact treat me, yes.)
on so many occasions all along… when I’ve reached out for “advice”, and gotten “exactly the wrong kind of advice said exactly the wrong way (it has left me so discouraged that I’m crying, on more than a few occasions, honestly)
when I reached out for “advice…” what I really wanted was mere
encouragement, encouragement that I AM good enough, to TRY, that’s all,
not HOW to do it, (though unfortunately that may have been exactly what I asked…)
but in truth, I think what I meant, and still mean, is
that I merely seek encouragement TO go for it…

(I know the answer, by the way).
(it’s “yes, go for it, even though “any excuse at all.” still go for it.”)

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), Music, Philosophy, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

The BEST Advice-

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I have four people in mind, who, if I ask their opinion, I am feeling either sure, or am “pretending I am sure for defensive purposes” that
if I look out to them (instead of myself and experience and self-forgiveness and failure and learning and growth, not to MENTION “TRYING MORE THAN ONLY ONCE!!!”)
ahem, if I look out to them, asking them for advice on how to be as successful as THEY are,
that they will pretty much give some version of:
1. you can’t be as as successful as me,
2. especially with YOUR approach
3. you should stick to “these little smaller things instead, or
4. you shouldn’t want what I have/, what I seek, or
5. if you really do want it, you should go about it in a way that makes sense to me, not to you.
that is, to THEM, instead of ME.
however…
listening to
myself
experience
forgiving myself
failure
learning
growth, and needless to say,
TRYING MORE THAN ONLY ONCE (thank you, LUCKY MOSKO for encouraing me to do that very thing)
might be a better Idea, alas.

(is no advice, (other than to follow yourSELF, long enough)

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CalArts (California Institute of the Arts), I'm a Crazy Artist, Minimalism, Music, Philosophy, Rhythmic Insanity, Self-Helping, Thought of the Day, Uncategorized

status quo/unknown art/CalArts-Strong

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something tells me that when you do something that is already approved of/known by the status quo, that it can become popular right quick.

that’s probably definitely certainly
less true for something unusual and unknown…

but let’s be CalArts-Strong about it shall we?