I love rehearsing and playing music I like/love. but never in the “let’s get it over with” way; ALWAYS in the “we love this there isn’t anything we’d WANT to do!”-way!
(I really don’t understand musicians who don’t feel that way, but, lucky me.)
Category Archives: Thought of the Day
my mind is not splintered
just saw a blog containing the words “SPLINTERED MIND” (ADHD-related) in the title.
my thoughts:
(an exercise of The Backwards-Bizzaro-Theory)
Our Adhd mind is only “splintered” if you consider the non-adhd mind NORMAL, WHOLE.
Maybe our mind is normal, whole, and yours is one track, low-energy.
yes sir, on the way to achieving balance, I’m all about inverting/reversing norms all the way.
no need to hurry, I’ll get to balance some day, if I am meant to.
BE YOURSELF. MANY MANY TIMES.
note to self…
you KNOW what “normal people” are gonna say about your ways of doing things, so why bother asking.
they’re gonna disapprove (maybe) and tell you you should be more normal, or more like THEM and less like YOU.
poing(poing? point) being:
if you haven’t already gone all the way with BEING YOURSELF,
then don’t bother asking others for advice on how to be them instead of how to be you- just go through with being you.
you probably are lacking confidence, you probably are assuming that you should get the same results as others, you probably are comparing yourself to them.
unless you have a TON of experience, screw all that.
go back to being yourself, and stick with it, and not with a disempowered impoverished, “if I fail one time, I give up” version of yourself, but a Strong, Courageous, TO THE HILT version. MANY TIMES.
if THAT STILL fails, only THEN think about a new plan.
until then…. stick with plan A, that is,
BE YOURSELF.
making people comfortable/uncomfortable
on-going thoughts of -whatever-
when do I owe it to people to try to MAKE THEM COMFORTABLE… I mean, SERIOUSLY, let’s think about this-
how can you KNOW that “the status quo SOCIAL “NORMSSSSSS”
REALLY ACTUALLY make people comfortable?”
isn’t it JUST as likely (with MY kind of people it is)
that
they too
think that said social niceties are kinda stupid
and that they will be HAPPIER, THANKFUL, if you just cut through and get to ACTUAL SUBSTANCE, you know,
things that
MATTER?
I certainly think so.
BOOyah!
James Brown Make Happy.
this is an ongoing experience of mine, thinking about this. and life.
-better-than-average-
HAHAHAHA!! SELF CRACK UP!!!
I just realized (it has been dwelling in me for some time)
that I seem to trust people who evince very obvious signs of
“not accepting, not settling for, normal society.”
when people (seem to at least) evince such signs….
it seems that I get all excited, as if “OOH, another one? maybe?? will you be my friend?”
(and yes, a lot of such people, even most of them that I know, attended CalArts.)
big projects only, please
and now: actual thoughts. (if impatient, skip the first 11 lines)
topic today: creative matters.
I am concerned about which aspects of my life to try to control, and which not.
I am concerned that I always want to do things in a (typically non-conformist) “creative/artistic” way, rather than “that other way” that most people, even creatives, even artists, use.
and now for specifics:
I don’t like to BOTHER unless I’m going ALL IN, or at least, “very far in, intensely.” (this is not sexual.)
(skip to here) the way I see it,
you have to do a lot of infrastructural work just to set something up, to make it work. (which is generally a pain in the butt.)
if you are going to do that,
I think it is best to then maximize the situation and do as much as possible as extreme as possible with the “situation” you have set up, and then have to tear down.
OTHERWISE, it’s like
1. going to a gas station.
2. getting out of the car
3. paying for the gas.”
4. ONLY GETTING FIFTY CENTS WORTH.”
5. yadda yadda.
and having to do it again soon.
50 cents of gas ain’t no fun.
a full tank is.
proverbially of course.
unless you are being paid a ton of money, getting all dressed up to perform for 30 seconds
instead of for 2 hours
just ain’t it.
(I never said this approach was practical.)
not making other people’s issues mine
I really need to stop feeling the need to make other people’s issues mine, I mean, childhood is over, that shit is gone, no need to keep doing it.
Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys. remember this.
and also:
My Circus…. MY MONKEYS! (referring to musical performers of the unusually awesome variety of course)
Freddie Freeloader make happy!
WOO!, WOW… go from feeling over-analyzing,
then
listen to some FREDDIE FREELOADER (both the original and the the jon hendricks INSANE vocal version (seriously, they took all the solos by Miles, Coltrane, Canonball and the rest and made up words to em, insane)
and POOF!
feel great, happy. if only I was a (censored!) jazz singer. no, no no. z
…
AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A CENSORED JAZZ SINGER?
say, that’s a good name for a band, or a song… no, definitely a band. I call dibs.
especially a punk band…
(thinking) you need help but not accepting it
in some ways, when it comes to certain things (saying “which ones” might elucidate this greatly, but I’ll get to that)
I sometimes feel like I am surrounded by
A. a buncha people whom I do not trust and whom claim to have (and seem to have) All the Answers (i.e, these people can take care of themselves and don’t seem to have any obvious maladaptions, so so speak (nice word, “maladaptions.” I just made it up:)
and
B. a buncha other people whom I DO trust, but are as lost as me.
all of my CRAZY artist friends (crazy like me) the ones who are REALLY close to me….
they have all the same challenges, more or less.
and those who are different, who really seem to have their lives in order….
when I ask these people for advice, including my life coach…
I inevitably come away hurt and self-judging, as if I won’t accept their advice, because it’s “not me” even though what “IS” me either doesn’t work, or I haven’t tired hard enough, usually the latter. which-
does give hope.
perhaps
perhaps I just need to learn to not take things too seriously when I disagree, and just let some things go,
EVEN WHEN
my defenses are down, and
I am frustrated and seeking help, and
grumble grumble.
the topic: Feeling Fundamentally Flawed
the topic “feeling fundamentally flawed and somehow Unlovable”
is of interest to me, in the ways that it manifests in me, and in others.
of course no one is really either of those things, but some people unfortunately live as if they are.
gotta… not do that:)