HEllo. I wrote this on my tumblr, (which to this date, has only five posts, all of which I’ll be posting right here just now.)
this is the voice of the me of 2 or 3 years ago, some time in 2012 I bet.
enjoy.
Starting and Stopping.
with Me, its not doing, but rather starting and stopping things, any things, that are the hardest things in life. Some of them at least.
I meant to start this blog weeks ago. As usual, I couldn’t get around to starting. (I’m ADHD, that’s one of the main things this blog is about, by the way.
(I never type “btw.” Oh, oops…)
My friend kept telling me to start it, every few days, which isn’t nearly as often as is necessary with someone like me.
Tonight we talked, he and I on the phone, and he asked how to “get” me to write the blog
I said “Tell me to start it.”
He said “well, I HAVE been, but that’s not working.”
No no, that’s the point. Just tell me again and tell me again till it works. That will work with me.
He had been suggesting I use a “step by step” approach, but I can already tell that “a step by step approach” will be RIFE food for thought for me to “overthink and overanalyze and over-plan, and in the end “never get around to because of all the over this and overthating. (nice word.) (This has to do with what is called
“THE SIXTH EPIPHANY,” but we’ll get to that.)
He THEn said to just think of the the Title Only. I said that I could do MORE than that.
So then he said to think of the title AND “a summary.” Wooo, woooow, that’s FOR SURE gonna “overwhelm me”, because I know I would spend eons trying to think of “the perfect summary. Result? Same as above…. Endless thinking, no doing. (sound familiar? … screw that, sounds like an AD. ads suck.)
I therefore launched into a long explanation of “Starting and Stopping.” Here it is:
Many “normal people” seem to do plenty, and complain about many tedious things in their lives. They’ll complain about driving, complain about household chores, complain about lousy people they have to deal with sometimes… blah blah.
That’s not exactly how it is with me (not to say I never complain (hahaha) or deal with lousy people (albeit, I find I seldom do deal with lousy people… just luck.)
With ME, the hardest thing is GETTING AROUND TO STARTING. Its hard for normal people to understand, but for us ADHDers, at least for me, that is, I find that
Once I START something, everything flows Smoothly and awesomely, and at that point, stopping THIS thing so that I can Start the NEXT thing is the biggest challenge. (in a way, starting and stopping are sorta the same, in that way…)
I AM A FLOW-ER. Not a flower, not the kind that grows and is pretty, but one that FLOWS, like energy n water n shit.
That should be the next chapter…
As I was saying,
Other people, such as my mother, will say “I hate doing laundry.”
That’s not what I find. I find that its ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE to GET AROUND to STARTING doing laundry, but ONCE I DO, I LOVE LAUNDRY!
Oh, shit, I had meant to explain it by talking about SPINNING WHEELS.
Yes yes, I am usually spinning my wheels so very often.
It seems like “normal people” aren’t, it seems like they so very often ARE working, doing, living, etc.
it feels like I spin and spin and spin so often, that on rare occasions, I WILL actually DO something, be engaged in something, for maybe even just one minute… and it feels very good, such as at laundry. Spinning, procrastinating, etc, etc, spinning, ad nauseam, then till ONE DAY I’ll ACTUALLY start DOING laundry. Then everything’s Great and even ENJOYABLE! (and needless to say, I don’t want to stop. Which means then I end up not doing “the next thing on the list, end up not eating, etc.etc…)
When this happens, I FLOW. FLOW works. Things are unblocked. Its only the changes of direction that are troublesome…
And yes, about those “normal people” (we’ll get to what they really should be called, what I really should be called, and other nomenclatures “later”)
About them?
After having been “Spinning and Spinning” for so long, and then having ACTUALLY FLOWED, ACTUALLY FOCUSED, ACTUALLY ENGAGED, ACTUALLY DONE something, well,
Then,
After that, when I look back at the “typical tedious things” that normal people (oh, when I’m in a “good” mood, I tend to refer to normal people as “mere mortals”)
yes, the typical tedious things that normal people typically complain about, those things don’t seem worthy of notice, much less complaint, because I’m FLOWING, I’m DOING. Compared to spinning all the time, flowing in almost ANY way is MUCH BETTER and awesome. And yes, its indeed nice to actually have clean clothes at the end too.
(change of tone to faintly serious, mildly sarcastic, and certainly absurd)
Hi, I’m Mike Robbins.
Welcome to my head.
p.s. the Charlie-Kaufman-Self-Reference-Thing” appears to be occurring in this blog.
